ONE OF THE GREATEST LIES EVER INVENTED BY THE CHURCH OF ROME,TO FRIGHTEN,PUT DOWN AND CONTROL THE MASSES,AND THE MASSES BELIEVE THIS IS TRUE,WHEN IN TRUTH,THIS IS A GREAT EVIL.
NO CHILD IS BORN OF ORIGINAL SIN,NO CHILD IS BORN EVIL,NOT EVEN HITLER,WHAT IS SIN,AND EVIL ARE THOSE THAT SURROUND THE CHILD WHILE IT GROWS,AND FEW CHILDREN ARE WITHOUT EVIL WITHIN THIS WORLD OF MADNESS WHILE THEY GROW,FOR EVIL IS EVERYWHERE AS THIS WORLD PROVES,FROM RELIGIOUS BRAINWASHING,CHILD ABUSE AND LACK OF LOVE AND WISDOM BY THOSE SURROUNDING THE CHILD,BE THEY PARENTS,SO CALLED REPRESENTATIVES OF GOD AND THE GODDESS ALMIGHTY,THE HOLY SPIRIT UPON EARTH,TEACHERS,POLITICAL LEADERS,CELEBRITIES,ARMIES,KINGS,QUEENS AND GUARDIANS IN GENERAL :(
DAY AFTER DAY THE ABUSE OF CHILDREN IS THERE FOR ALL THE WORLD TO SEE,AS SCANDAL AFTER SCANDAL SHOWS ITS UGLY FACE UPON THE WORLDS MEDIA,AND THIS 2014 PEEPS.
I NEVER EVER DREAMT OF TOUCHING MY DAUGHTERS IN A SEXUAL WAY,AND CAN NOT UNDERSTAND ADULTS REASONS FOR DOING SO,OTHER THAN PURE EVIL,I WAS ABUSED,BUT NEVER DREAMT OF ABUSING OTHERS FOR KICKS OR SEXUAL GRATIFICATION,AND REGRET GREATLY THE MENTAL HURT I CAUSED THOSE CLOSE TO ME,AND TELL THEM WHENEVER I CAN, I AM SORRY,THOUGH AT TIMES,SORRY IS TO LATE,THE DAMAGE IS DONE,AND WILL NOT BE REPAIRED IN THIS INCARNATION.
THOUGH I TELL MY DAUGHTERS, AND FRIENDS I LOVE THEM WEEKLY, IF NOT DAILY.
I NEVER ONCE HIT MY DAUGHTERS THE YEARS I WAS WITH THEM,AND WE HAD SOME BEAUTIFUL TIMES TOGETHER,BUT ALCOHOL AND DRUGS WERE NEVER FAR AWAY :( THE MAKE UP AND CRUTCH OF THE ENTERTAINMENT BUSINESS,AND A CURSE OF MANY UPON THE EARTH.
MOST ALCOHOLICS AND DRUG ADDICTS DO NOT WISH TO CAUSE HARM,TO THEMSELVES,OR THERE LOVED ONES,BUT THEY JUST CANNOT STOP IT,FOR THE DEMONS ARE NEVER FAR AWAY :(
FIRST WITH CHILDHOOD ABUSE/TRAUMA,AND THEN BY ADULT ABUSE OF SELF AND YOUR LOVED ONES,ITS A BATTLE AGAINST HUMAN EVIL AND GOOD.
SO THE CHILD LEARNS HOW TO SHOUT,TAKING ALL IT HEARS IN,EVEN BEFORE BIRTH,IT LEARNS TO HIT,BECAUSE OF WHAT HE OR SHE SEES,IT LEARNS TO FEEL PAIN,FEAR AND HOPELESSNESS;
AND IT IS CHANGED FOREVER BY THE DARKNESS OF THOSE AROUND THEM,THOSE SUPPOSED TO LOVE THEM.
BUT HOW CAN YOU KNOW LOVE,IF YOU HAVE NEVER FELT LOVE,OR HAVE BEEN TAUGHT LOVE,BY THOSE WHO WERE SUPPOSED TO LOVE YOU,BY THOSE WHO ARE SUPPOSED TO REPRESENT GOD AND THE HOLY SPIRIT,THE GODDESS UPON EARTH,WHO KNOW MORE ABOUT LOVE THAN THE DEVIL HIMSELF,"THEY SPEAK OF LOVE WITH THEIR LIPS,BUT THEIR HEARTS ARE FAR FROM ME;"
THEY STAND IN THEIR SCHOOLS,THE SO CALLED EDUCATORS OF CHILDREN,YET THE LESSONS ARE SEXUAL,PHYSICAL AND MENTAL EVIL,AND THEY THE GUARDIANS OF THE CHILDREN,INTRODUCED BY THEIR PARENTS,AS THEY LEFT THEIR CHILDREN AT THE VARIOUS GATES OF HELL.
PAST AND PRESENT ABUSE IS REVEALED DAILY :(
ADULTS HAD A FREE REIGN ON ABUSE IN MY CHILDHOOD,AND MOST OF IT WITH THE PARENTS PERMISSION :(
LOVE WAS NEVER SPOKEN OFF,AT HOME OR WITHOUT,BECAUSE LOVE DID NOT EXIST,EXCEPT IN THE MOVIES.
I HAVE LONG FORGIVEN MY 14 ABUSERS,THOUGH IT TOOK MANY YEARS OF ADULTHOOD TO DO IT,BUT HATE ONLY BREEDS HATE,AND I AM NOT THEIR JUDGE,SO I WILL LEAVE JUDGEMENT TO THOSE ABOVE ME IN THE DIVINE COUNCIL,FOR THEY ARE BETTER JUDGES THAN THIS FLESH.
THE PROBLEM WITH CHILDHOOD ABUSE IS IT SCARS YOU FOR LIFE,WHETHER VISIBLE,OR INVISIBLE,BUT THE SCARS ARE THERE.
MANY OF MY CHILDHOOD FRIENDS ARE DEAD,TAKEN BY THE RAVAGES OF THEIR ABUSE,BE IT THROUGH SUICIDE,CONFLICT,JAIL,ALCOHOL,DRUGS ETC...
A VICIOUS CIRCLE OF ABUSE AND SELF ABUSE,FEW COME THROUGH WITHOUT MANY SCARS,BE THEM FROM OTHERS,OR SELF.
"ITS AS IF THE LORD WAS SLEEPING AT TIMES."
BLAMING THE LORD FOR ROMES EVIL.
FROM 14 YEARS OF AGE MY FUTURE WAS SEALED,IN REGARDS OF SELF ABUSE.
AFTER THE PHYSICAL AND MENTAL ABUSE,CAME THE EVIL OF SEXUAL ABUSE,THE GREAT LESSON IN MANS INHUMANITY TO CHILDREN,THOUGH IT WAS NOT EXCLUSIVE TO MAN,FOR WOMEN KNEW HOW TO ABUSE AS WELL :( BUT LUCKLY FOR ME,MY SEXUAL ABUSE WAS BUT AT THE HANDS OF ONE ABUSER,OTHERS WERE NOT SO LUCKY,AS YOUR MODERN MEDIA REVEALS DAILY :(
I STARTED SMOKING AT 14,AND OUR CIGARETTES OF CHOICE WAS,THE DANDY AND BEANO COMICS,AND A BOX OF MATCHES :(
WE USE TO ROLL THE PAGES UP NEAT AND TIDY,AND SMOKE THEM,SO RIGHT FROM THE BEGINNING OF THE PATH OF ADDICTION,THE MADNESS OF IT ALL WAS PRESENT,SMOKING COMICS,INSTEAD OF READING THEM,MORK CALLING ORSON :(
JESUS WAS REGARDED AS A DRUNKARD AND GLUTTON,WHO SAT WITH TAX COLLECTORS,PROSTITUTES AND SINNERS,BUT HE DID TELL YOU TO DO THINGS IN MODERATION,THOUGH EVEN HE FAILED IN THIS AT TIMES :( HE LIKED TO PARTY AT TIMES :) AS HUMAN BEINGS DO :)
AND OF COURSE,"HONOUR YOUR HEAVENLY FATHER AND MOTHER,GOD AND THE GODDESS ALMIGHTY,THE HOLY SPIRIT."
THOUGH UNDERSTANDING GOD,JESUS AND THE HOLY SPIRIT WAS FAR FROM MY COMIC SMOKING DAYS,FILLED WITH MENTAL AND PHYSICAL ABUSE BY THOSE AROUND ME,PARENT AND TEACHERS,AND SO CALLED REPRENTATIVES OF GOD AND JESUS UPON EARTH.
MY SECOND ADDICTION WAS THE ONE TO BRING ME SO MUCH HEARTACHE AND PAIN,WHERE ALL SELF WORTH GOES OUT THE WINDOW :( ALCOHOL,THE GREATEST CURSE AFTER RELIGION UPON EARTH IN MY MIND ANYWAY,BECAUSE WITH ALCOHOLISM,MODERATION IS NOT IN THE MINDSET OF THE ADDICT.
YOU SEE NO ONE TELLS YOU OF THE PERILS OF ALCOHOL,EVEN THOUGH THE SIGNS ARE THERE ALL ROUND THE CHILD,BUT TO THE CHILD OF ADDICTION,ALCOHOL IS THE NORM :(
NO ONE EVER EXPLAINED THAT ALCOHOL WAS IN THE GENES OF ALCHOLIC FAMILIES,AND AS FOR SUPPORT FOR THOSE AFFECTED BY A FAMILY MEMBERS ABUSE OF ALCOHOL,AND ALL THE DISTRESS AND PAIN THAT COMES WITH THAT ABUSE WAS NON-EXISTANT IN MY CHILDHOOD,AA WAS THE AUTOMOBILE ASSOCIATION FOR THE ELITE,AND WHAT HAPPENED AT HOME,STAYED AT HOME.
THOUGH SLOWLY MY MOTHER WAS LOSING THE PLOT,TRYING HER BEST TO KEPT UP WITH THE JONES,AND LETTING ON EVERYTHING WAS FINE :( EVEN WHEN IT WASN'T :(
THE PRESSURE OF BEING A SISTER OF A WELL KNOWN PRIEST,AND BELIEVING HER FAMILY WERE BETTER THAN MY FATHERS,LOL,MADNESS :(
I FOUND MUCH TROUBLE WITH ALCOHOL IN MY YOUTH,GETTING INTO TROUBLE WITH THE LAW AT LEAST 12 TIMES,FROM DRUNKEN DISORDERLY,POSSESSION OF DRUGS,DUI,CRIMINAL DAMAGE AND EVENTUALLY ARSON,WHERE I TRIED TO KILL MYSELF BY FIRE :(
IN MY FCUKED MIND,AFTER 12 YEARS OF CHILDHOOD ABUSE,CLERICAL ABUSE AND SEXUAL ABUSE,AND SECTERIAN BEATINGS,I BELIEVED I COULD CLEANSE THE EVIL WHICH WAS SURROUNDING ME BY CLEANSING IT BY FIRE,I DIDN'T WISH TO LIVE ANYMORE,AND IF IT WASN'T FOR A PASSERBY AND FIREMEN,I WOULD HAVE SUCCEEDED,BUT LITTE DID I KNOW ABOVE WERE WATCHING MY EVERY WRONG MOVE,AND AT TIMES DISPAIRING AT THEM :(
SOBER,I WAS A GENTLEMAN,WHO WOULDN'T HURT A FLY,BUT WHEN I DRANK,THE DEMONS WITHIN DRANK WITH ME,AND IT WAS THEIR INSTRUCTIONS I WAS LISTENING TOO,FUELING OTHERS VIEW OF ME,WHICH SLOWLY WAS DESTROYING ME :(
I HAVE LOST COUNT OF THE TIMES I TRIED TO KILL MYSELF,MANY WITH TABLETS,IF ONLY THAT HAD BEEN THE ONLY WAY,THEN I WOULD HAVE HAD NO CRIMINAL RECORD,BUT YOU CAN NEVER GO BACK :(
I HAVE APOLOGIZED TO ALL I HURT ALONG THE WAY,MANY TIMES,WHEN EVER POSSIBLE,THOUGH I HAVE MISSED A SON I NEVER GOT TO KNOW,AND THIS IS MY FAULT,ITS NOT THAT I DIDN'T WANT TO KNOW,I JUST THOUGHT IT WAS BEST LEFT ALONE,THOUGH AN EX PARTNER COULD HAVE FOUND ME,IF SHE'D WANTED TOO,BUT SHE DID NOT,YET THIS IS NOT KIM'S FAULT AFTER LEAVING HER IN SUCH A WAY,I WAS TOLD I WAS NOT ON MY SON'S BIRTH CERTIFCATE,WHICH KINDA SEALED ME PUSHING ANY FURTHER LOOKING INTO MAKING CONTACT,BUT I DID TWO CHARITY SHOWS FOR HIS SCHOOL,WHICH WAS STRANGE,AND ALWAYS TALKED TO MY DAUGHTERS,PARTNERS AND FRIENDS ABOUT MY SON:)
WE LOVED EACH OTHER,HIS MOTHER,AS I HAVE LOVED ALL MY PARTNERS,PRESENT AND PAST,BUT ALCOHOL AND MY DEMONS ALWAYS RUINED THAT LOVE :( FOR ALCOHOL AND LOVE DO NOT MIX,ESPECIALLY WHEN ALCOHOL IS YOUR BEDFELLOW :(
I NEVER KNEW THE LOVE OF A MOTHER,AND EVEN THOUGH MY FATHER SEEMED TO LOVE ME AND MY SIBLINGS,ALCOHOL WAS HIS DOWNFALL ASWELL,UNTIL HE STOPPED,THOUGH EVEN THEN,I ONLY EVER HEARD MY MOTHER TELL ME SHE LOVED ME ONCE,AND THAT WAS IN JAIL :(
LOVE FOR MY FATHER AND MOTHERS GENERATION WAS NEVER TALKED ABOUT,WHEN YOU FCUKED UP,SEVERE BEATINGS WAS THE LOVE THAT CAME FORTH :(
THERE WAS NO SOCIAL WORKERS OR AA,OR ANY KIND OF COUNSELLING IN THOSE DAYS,IT WAS A LEARNING BY SERIOUS TRAIL AND ERROR :( WHICH ALL MY GENERATION WENT THROUGH :(
MANY OF MY CHILDHOOD FRIENDS ARE DEAD,DIVORCED OR STILL CAPTURED BY DRINK AND DRUGS,AND QUITE A FEW ALSO FOUND THEMSELVES ON THE WRONG SIDE OF THE LAW :(
I COULDN'T EVEN KEEP MY MARRIAGE TOGETHER,AND MISSED QUITE A LOT OF MY CHILDRENS CHILDHOODS :( THOUGH I STILL TELL THEM TO THIS DAY THAT I LOVE THEM,AND ALWAYS DID :) BUT AS I SAID BEFORE,YOU CANNOT GO BACK :(
THE TALENT I HAD WAS WITHOUT EQUAL,I WAS A SINGER,COMEDIAN AND IMPRESSIONIST,AND MANY WITHIN THE ENTERTAINMENT SCENE ENVIED MY TALENT :( BUT LIKE MANY OTHERS IN MY COUNTRY,GEORGE BEST AND ALEX HIGGINS,TO MENTION BUT TWO,ALCOHOL CONTROLLED THEIR TALENT,I GUESS IT JUST CAME WITH WHATEVER FIELD WE EXCELLED IN :( TALENTED SOULS,WITH FCUK UP'S OF FLESH :(
THE ENTERTAINMENT BUSINESS IS NOT A GOOD PLACE TO HAVE AN ALCOHOL PROBLEM,ESPECIALLY WHEN YOUR SURROUNDED BY ALCOHOL :)
HAVING SAID THAT,MY UNCLE FRANKIE WAS A VERY WELL KNOWN PRIEST IN IRELAND,NORTH AND SOUTH,AND HE HIMSELF WAS AN ALCOHOLIC,WHO FUCKED UP,MANY TIMES,BUT MY MOTHER'S EXCUSE FOR HIM WAS HIS JOB,AND THE PRESSURE IT BROUGHT WITH IT :(
TO ME,HE WAS JUST COOL,AND A GREAT UNCLE WHO I MISS DEARLY EVERYDAY,HE WAS ONE YOU COULD TALK TOO,WITHOUT JUDGEMENT,CONDEMNATION OR BEATINGS :)
HE KNEW HIS OWN FAILINGS,SO COULD UNDERSTAND OTHERS,ESPECIALLY WITHIN THE FAMILY :)
THE STRANGE THING WAS,ALL MY UNCLES,ESPECIALLY ON MY MOTHERS SIDE WERE AND ARE ALCOHOLICS,TWO OF MY BROTHERS ARE TOO,AND MOST OF MY FRIENDS :( WHICH TELLS YOU,THERE ARE MANY FCUKED UP MINDS OUT THERE,EVEN GREATER IN 2014,WHICH TELLS YOU THAT MOST OF HUMAN BEINGS ARE IN TRUTH FCUKED UP,DRINK SEEMS TO BE A MAJOR FACTOR IN MOST OF HUMAN LIFE,AND IT IS MOST CERTAINLY NOT THE XFACTOR :(
I LOVED MY DAUGHTERS DEEPLY,AND TRIED MANY TIMES TO STAY SOBER,AND I DID,INBETWEEN THE ENDLESS SPLITING UP :( MY FAULT COMPLETELY,MY DAUGHTERS AND SON SHOULD HAVE CAME FIRST,NOT MY ADDICTIONS :(
MY CHILDHOOD ABUSE WAS ONCE MORE CONTOLLING MY CHAOTIC LIFE,AND OTHERS,INCLUDING ME WERE GETTING HURT :(
AS I LOOKED AROUND FAMILY MEMBERS AND FRIENDS QUITE A FEW HAD THE SAME CURSE OF ADDICTIONS,THOUGH SOME HAD UNDERSTANDING FAMILIES AND FRIENDS WILLING TO HELP THEM,AND TALK WITH THEM,INSTEAD OF THREATS,AND YOU BETTER :(
ALWAYS I WAS REMINDED OF THE FAILURE I WAS,AS A SON,AND NOW FATHER,BUT NO REMEMBRANCE OF THE EXTREME ABUSE,SEXUAL,MENTAL AND PSYCHICAL WHICH BROUGHT THIS FAILURE TO THIS POINT IN HIS LIFE :(
EVEN WHEN STAYING SOBER,I WAS REMINDED CONSTANTLY OF MY FAILINGS BY MY EARTH MOTHER :( SHE DOES IT TO MY DAUGHTERS NOW,AND EVEN HER GRANDCHILDREN,AND MY BROTHERS AND SISTERS,STILL TO THIS DAY,EVEN WITH MY FATHERS DEATH,I THOUGHT THIS WILL HUMBLE HER,WHICH IT DID,FOR 2 MONTHS,THEN THE CEASEFIRE OF INSULTS AND HUMILIATION CONTINUES :(
THOUGH I STILL BY HER FLOWERS, CHOCS AND PRESENTS, AND NEVER MISS CHRISTMAS, MOTHERS DAY, BIRTHDAYS ETC...
AND I TELL HER I LOVE HER, WHICH IS NEVER RETURNED :(
I WAS THROWN INTO REHAB,AND FORGOTTEN ABOUT,WITH THREATS RINGING IN MY EARS,AND LOVE,AS IN CHILDHOOD,NOWHERE TO BE SEEN :(
MY FATHER AND MOTHER NEVER TALKED OF LOVE,IT WAS NOT THEIR GENERATIONS WAY,IF FACT,I ONLY HEARD MY MOTHER TELL ME SHE LOVED ME ONCE,AND THAT WAS WHEN I WAS IN PRISON FOR TRYING TO KILL MYSELF WITH FIRE,AFTER TAKING TWO BOTTLES OF TABLETS,A BOTTLE OF VODKA,AND OTHER DRUGS,I'D HAD ENOUGH,ONCE AGAIN :(
THE DEMONS WERE WORKING THEIR BLACK MAGIC AGAINST ME,AND THEY HAD ME,HOOK,LINE AND SINKER :(
WHILE SOBER,I WAS A PERFECT PARTNER AND FRIEND,BUT DRUNK,DRINKING SPIRITS,OTHER SPIRITS ENTERED ME,TO RUIN EVERYTHING I LOVED IN THE WORLD,MY EX WIFE AND CHILDREN, AND PARTNER, AND SON :(
I KNEW I COULD NOT CONTINUE ON THIS DANGEROUS AND DESTRUCTIVE PATH,AND SLOWLY,WITH EACH NIGHT OF ARGUMENTS AND TROUBLE,I BEGAN TO FIND PEACE OF MIND,AND SOBRIETY,THE PROBLEM IS,AN ALCOHOLIC TELLS SO MANY PORKIES OVER THE YEARS,THEY FIND IT HARD FOR THOSE CLOSE TO BELIEVE THEM :( AND SO,FRUSTRATIONS SET IN,AS THE,YOU BETTER THREATS CONTINUED,EVEN WHILE SOBER,INSTEAD OF WELL DONE,KEEP IT UP :)
I MEET ALCOHOLICS EVERY WEEK,I CAN GIVE THEM THE BEST OF ADVICE,BUT AT TIMES,I NEVER HEAR THAT ADVICE MYSELF,EVEN THOUGH IT IS COMING OUT OF MY MOUTH :(
I KNEW THE ANSWERS TO MY ADDICTIONS,I JUST COULD NOT SEE THEM,NOT EVEN WITH A BEAUTFUL WIFE,WHO I LOVED,AND WHO LOVED ME,WHILE SOBER,AND BEAUTIFUL DAUGHTERS :(
CHILDREN ARE SO PRECIOUS :) BUT ADDICTIONS FORGET THIS :(
IN THEIR EARLY YEARS I REARED THEM WHILE MY WIFE WORKED,THEN I'D GO AT TIMES AND DO MY SHOWS,EVEN HAVING TO SNEAK OUT OF THE HOUSE,BECAUSE MY DAUGHTERS WERE SO ATTACHED TO ME,ALWAYS BEING AROUND ME WHILE SINGING AND PUTTING SHOWS TOGETHER,WHILE THEY SANG ALONG AND STORING MY TALENT WITHIN THEMSELVES,LEARNING THE TRICKS OF THE TRADE,WHICH IS STILL WITH THEM,OF WHICH I AM SO PROUD,BUT AFTER MY DRINKING AND BEHAVIOUR HAD ARRIVED AGAIN,THIS TIME LOSING MY LICENCE,AND WITH IT FREEDOM,WORK,FAMILY LIFE,WIFE AND CHILDREN,ONCE MORE A FAILURE,BUT THIS TIME,IT WAS SERIOUS,MY WIFE HAD HAD ENOUGH,AND OUR CHILDREN WERE DEVASTATED :( ONCE MORE THE DAD THEY LOVED WAS GONE,AND THIS TIME 20 MILES AWAY,WITHOUT MOBLIES,COMPUTERS,WORK OR HOME :( NO TEXT MESSAGES OR INSTANT PHONE CALLS,AND WITHOUT A CAR,FEW TRIPS TO SEE MY BEAUTIFUL DAUGHTERS,AND SLOWLY HEARTS WERE BROKEN,INCLUDING MINE :( AND ALL BECAUSE OF ALCOHOL,DRUGS AND INNER DEMONS,HOW MAD IS THAT?
I WENT FROM HAVING MY OWN TRANSPORT,WAS DAILY ON TV AT TIMES,WAS ON RADIO SHOWS AND ADVERTISEMENTS,INCLUDING TELEVISION,TO SUDDENLY BE ON THE STREETS,ALONE,WITHOUT THE PEOPLE I TRULY LOVED,ABOUT TO JUMP INTO THE LAGAN :(
THIS WAS THE LOWEST POINT IN MY LIFE,EVERYTHING I LOVED WAS GONE IN AN INSTANT OF DRUNKEN MADNESS :(
I TRIED TO KILL MYSELF ABOUT 22 TIMES,VIA FIRE,TABLETS,DRINK AND SELF HARMING,AND WHEN I SAY TRIED,THOSE DAYS ARE FAR BEHIND ME :)
WHEN GOD AND THE GODDESS ALMIGHTY,THE HOLY SPIRIT ENTERED MY LIFE,INCLUDING 7 SPECIAL SPIRITS :)
YET EVEN KNOWING THERE IS A GOD AND GODDESS ALMIGHTY,DOES NOT CHANGE THE FACT THAT I AM HUMAN,AND PRONE TO MISTAKES AT TIMES,ESPECIALLY WHEN DRINK AND DRUGS ARE AROUND,THOUGH MODERATION IS MY WAY NOW,KNOWING AND UNDERSTANDING THE DAMAGE THESE ADICTIONS CAN CAUSE,DAMAGE WHICH REMAINS THROUGHOUT YOUR LIFE,ESPECIALLY WITH CHILDREN,AND AT TIMES PARTNERS :(
YET I HAVE SEEN THE PROBLEMS WITH DRINK AND DRUGS FROM MY CHILDHOOD,AND THROUGHOUT MY LIFE,AND HAVE LOST MANY FRIENDS AND FAMILY TO THESE ADDICTIONS :(
IN MY GENERATION,AND THIS IS BORNE OUT BY THE MESS OF LIVES LIKE MY OWN AND THOSE CLOSE TO ME,AND NOT SO CLOSE TO ME :(
THE PROBLEM IS,YOU CAN NEVER RETURN TO REPAIR THE DAMAGE,AND THE BEST YOU CAN DO IS TRY TO TALK ABOUT WHY YOU FAILED CHILDREN AND PARTNERS,AND AT TIMES FRIENDS :(
THE ONLY SAVING GRACE IS,IN THIS WORLD OF MEDIA AND SOCIAL NETWORKS PEOPLE CAN SEE AND LEARN ABOUT THESE ADDICTIONS :) AND WHERE HELP IS AVAILABLE,IF NEEDED,IN MY CHILDHOOD THERE WAS NO INTERNET,MOBILES,SOCIAL MEDIA OR HELP WITH ADDICTIONS,YOU JUST HAD TO GET ON WITH IT,INCLUDING THROUGH THE MOST EVIL AND CRUEL ABUSE OF CHILDHOOD AND TEENAGE YEARS :(
THEN THERE WAS THE RELIGIOUS VIOLENCE,HATE AND BIGOTRY WHICH IS STILL VERY MUCH ALIVE IN NORTHERN IRELAND IN THIS YEAR 2014 :( SO LIFE IN NORTHERN IRELAND WAS NOT GOOD,FOR MY GENERATION,WITH CHILDHOOD ABUSE,SELF ABUSE AND RELIGIOUS ABUSE,THE COUNTRY WAS SIMPLY FULL OF ABUSE :( AND TROUBLED CHILDREN HAD NO CHANCE,NOT FROM PARENTS,RELIGIOUS FIGURES,TEACHERS OR EVEN FRIENDS,FOR MOST WERE GOING THROUGH THE SAME SHIT :(
WHAT I WENT THROUGH WAS SYSTEMATIC CHILD ABUSE ON A SCALE I HAVE YET TO HEAR,IT WAS PURE EVIL,DONE IN THE NAMES OF GOD,THE HOLY SPIRIT AND JESUS,BY SO CALLED REPRESENTIVES OF ALL THE ABOVE,WITH SEVERE BEATINGS BY NUNS,TEACHERS,AND MOTHER,MENTAL AND PHYSICAL ABUSE THE INQUISITION,GESTAPO AND EVEN ISIS WOULD BE PROUD OF :(
SO I WROTE TO THE HISTORICAL ABUSE INQUIRY,WITH A LIST OF MY ABUSERS,WHICH CAME TO ABOUT 12 PEOPLE,NUNS AND TEACHERS,BUT WAS TURNED DOWN BECAUSE ROMAN CATHOLIC SCHOOLS WERE NOT INCLUDED IN THEIR INQUIRY,JUST HOMES AND BORSTALS :(
YET WHAT WAS GOING ON IN THE ROMAN CATHOLIC SCHOOLS WAS DAILY AND SYSTEMATIC,WHERE CHILDREN WERE LEFT BLACK AND BLUE,AND TRAMATISED,WHO THEN WERE REPORTED TO PARENTS,WHO THEN FOLLOWED UP WITH THEIR OWN ROMAN CATHOLIC DISCIPLINE AND ABUSE :( THOUGH EVEN MY PROTESTANT FRIENDS WERE GOING THROUGH THE SAME SHIT,WHICH I WITNESSED FOR MYSELF :)
I WOULD NEVER HAVE GOT INTO THE MAJOR TROUBLE I DID GET INTO IF I'D HAVE BEEN TREATED LIKE A CHILD SHOULD HAVE BEEN TREATED,WITH LOVE,RESPECT AND HUMANITY,BUT AS I HAVE WRITTEN BEFORE,NORTHERN IRELAND HAD THE ADDED PROBLEM OF RELIGIOUS VIOLENCE,HATE AND BIGOTRY,ON TOP OF CLERIC,EDUCATION AND HOME ABUSE :(
IT WAS JUST A CIRCLE OF ABUSE,WHICH ALL SEEMED TO BE DOING AND SUFFERING :(
SO DRINK AND DRUGS WERE THE WAY OF THE ABUSED,WHICH TOOK YOU OUT OF THE SYSTEM OF ABUSE,BUT WITH MOST,IT BROUGHT TROUBLE WITH THE LAW,WHICH IN TURN BROUGHT TROUBLE WITH PARENTS,AND ONCE AGAIN TEACHERS AND CLERICS,SO THE TROUBLED CHILDREN HAD NO HOPE OF ESCAPING THE CYCLE OF ADULT ABUSE :(
IN 2015,NOT A DAY GOES BY,THAT YOU DON'T TURN ON YOUR TV SCREENS,AND YOUR NEWS,AND SOME NEWS ITEM,WITH JOE PUBLIC,OR MORE LIKELY A CLERIC,NUN,POLITICIAN AND NOW CELEBRITIES ARE BEING DRAGGED BEFORE COURTS FOR HISTORICAL CHILD ABUSE CHARGES :(
WHICH JUST GOES TO PROVE WHAT I AM WRITING ABOUT,IN FINE DETAIL,THE WHOLE SYSTEM OF MY CHILDHOOD,FROM THE HOMES TO CHURCH,TO SCHOOLS,TO YOUTH ORGANISATIONS,TO ILLEGAL ORGANISATIONS WAS EVIL TO THE CORE :(
WHICH LEFT A GENERATION OF TALENTED CHILDREN,FCUKED UP FOR THE REST OF THEIR LIVES :(
AND WHETHER THEIR MARRIAGES LASTED FOR SEVERAL YEARS LIKE MINE,OR TWENTY YEARS LIKE OTHERS :)
NONE OF THOSE MARRIAGES OR RELATIONSHIPS WERE HAPPY,ONE'S, BECAUSE SOME JUST STAYED TOGETHER BECAUSE OF OLD SCHOOL DEMANDS AND KEEPING FACE :(
SO IN THE END,ALL SUFFERED YEARS OF PAIN,AT THE HANDS OF THEIR FATHERS,MOTHERS AND PEERS,AS THE ABUSE CONTINUED,VIA SELF ABUSE,AND SELF DESTRUCTION OF MARRIAGES,RELATIONSHIPS AND LIVES :(
MANY NEVER MADE IT THROUGH,MANY CHOOSING SUICIDE AS THEIR WAY OUT OF THIS HELL CALLED EARTH :( AND IT IS HELL,A WORLD FULL OF WARS,HATE,BIGOTRY,ABUSE,GREED,AND AT ITS CORE IS RELIGION,EVIL AND SIMPLE,BECAUSE THERE IS NO WAY ON EARTH YOU COULD CALL IT PURE AND SIMPLE :(
JESUS ITS 2015,AND NOTHING HAS CHANGED IN THIS WORLD SINCE I WAS A CHILD,IN FACT,ITS WORSE NOW,THAN IT EVER WAS THEN :(
THE ONLY DIFFERENCE NOW IS,THE WEAPONARY AND TECHNOLOGY IS FAR MORE ADVANCED :(
LOST AFTER A BROKEN MARRIAGE,BROUGHT ABOUT BY YEARS OF DRINK,SOBRIETY,HAPPY TIMES,THEN BROKEN PROMISES AND DRINK AND DRUGS,AND ALL BECAUSE OF PAST DEMONS,AND CHILDHOOD MEMORIES WHICH ONLY ABOVE CAN TRULY ERASE,WHICH THEY DID,IN LATER YEARS :) BUT NOT QUICKLY ENOUGH FOR WIFE AND CHILDEN :(
YET THIS WAS TO BE EXPLAINED IN YEARS TO COME ASWELL,WHICH I HAVE EXPLAINED,BIT BY BIT OVER THE YEARS TO MY CHILDREN AND EX SPOUSE,THOUGH,AT TIMES,THEY STILL FIND ALL OF MY REVELATIONS A BIT STRANGE,ESPECIALLY THE GODDESS,AND OF COURSE MY SOULMATE ULAYLAH,WHO I HAVE BEEN SPEAKING ABOUT FOR 17 YEARS,EVEN RECORDING A CD WITH HER NAME UPON ITS COVER,AND A SONG DEDICATED TO HER,"A SONG FOR ULAYLAH."
YET IN LIFE,SHE HAS YET TO APPEAR BY MY SIDE :( SO FAMILY AND FRIENDS BELIEVE MY MIND IS,SOMEWHERE OVER THE CUCKOO'S NEST IN REGARDS ULAYLAH,AS FOR THE GODDESS,THEY ARE LISTENING,BUT STILL NEED CONVINCING,BUT DO CONCEDE,THAT WOMEN IS NEEDED TO BRING FORTH BOTH MEN AND WOMEN,MAN COULD NEVER DO THAT,NEVER :(
THIS IS THE ONLY OTHER WAY I DIFFER FROM ANY OTHER CHRISTIAN'S,BAR NOT STANDING IN A BUILDING OF HUMAN HANDS :(
YOU SEE,JESUS TOLD ME,TOLD GO TO MY ROOM,IN PRIVATE,AND SPEAK TO THE FATHER,IN PRIVATE,AND HE WOULD ANSWER ME,IN PRIVATE :)
HE ALSO SAID,WHERE TWO OR THREE OR GATHERED TOGETHER,IN MY NAME,THERE I'LL BE :)
NO MENTION OF HUGE BUILDINGS OF HUMAN HANDS THERE THEN :(
I BELIEVE IN THE CHRIST :)
AND I BELIEVE JESUS CAME IN FLESH :)
BUT I ALSO BELIEVE AS YESHUA DID IN HIS HEAVENLY MOTHER,WISDOM,"AND WISDOM IS VINDICATED BY HER CHILDREN."
PROVERBS 8 22-36 :)
IF COULD TURN BACK THE CLOCK,I'D NEVER HAVE LIFTED THAT FIRST DRINK :(
I NEVER EVER GOT INTO TROUBLE BUT FOR DRINK,AND THE DOZEN OR SO TIMES I DID GET INTO TROUBLE VIA DRINK,IT WAS SECONDS OF MADNESS,REGRETTED FOR A LIFETIME :(
I ALWAYS APOLOGIZED FOR THE HURT I CAUSED,WHEN I WAS ABLE,AND THROUGH THE YEARS DID THOUSANDS OF CHARITY FUNDRAISING EVENTS WHICH I CONTINUE TO DO TODAY :)
BUT YOU CAN NEVER GIVE BACK THE YEARS OF MISSING TO YOUR CHILDREN,WHICH IS THE GREATEST GUILT I CARRY WITH ME :(
I SEE THEM WEEKLY,AND AM IN CONTACT WITH THEM AND MY GRANDCHILDREN MOST DAYS,BUT MANY DAYS, AND MONTHS ARE MISSING :( AND MANY SWEET MEMORIES :( AND NONE WITH MY SON :(
DRINK IS A CURSE,WHICH ROBS THE FLESH AND SOUL OF EVERYTHING PRECIOUS TO YOUR BEING :(
IT RUINS FAMILIES,LIVES,FUTURES,DREAMS,MARRIAGES,RELATIONSHIPS,LOVE,HEARTS,CAREERS,LIBERTY...
YET IT IS SOLD FREELY,WITHOUT QUESTION,EVEN THOUGH THESE FACTS HAVE BEEN KNOWN SINCE PROHIBITION AND LONG BEFORE :(
IT TOOK GOD AND THE GODDESS ALMIGHTY,THE HOLY SPIRIT TO ENTER MY LIFE BEFORE I TOOK HOLD OF MY DRINKING PROPERLY,AND ENDED THE MADNESS THAT SURROUNDED :(
THOUGH I HAVE FCUKED UP ALONG THE WAY,WHEN I FORGET THEM,AND THEIR TEACHING :(
BUT I WILL NOT RETURN TO MY DRINKING DAYS OF 26 YEARS AGO,AND THE MADNESS THAT THOSE DAYS BROUGHT WITH THEM,FOR I HAVE LAID TO REST MY CHILDHOOD ABUSE,WHICH WAS AT THE CORE OF MY DRINKING,AND IS AT THE CORE OF MOST ALCOHOLIC'S ADDICTION,IF TRUTH BE TOLD,CHILDHOOD TRAUMA/ABUSE/EXPERIENCES :(
SO MUCH TALENT,AND I JUST COULDN'T HOLD IT TO-GETHER :(
YET,THEN WHY DID GOD AND THE GODDESS ALMIGHTY,THE HOLY SPIRIT ENTER MY LIFE 17 YEARS AGO,ALONG WITH MANY SPIRITS TO AWAKEN MY SOUL TO THE TRUTH I NOW BLOG ABOUT?
WHEN I LOOK BACK AT THE MESS OF MY LIFE,BEFORE GOD AND THE GODDESS ALMIGHTY,THE HOLY SPIRIT APPEARED,SINCE THOSE DAYS THERE HAS BEEN 17 YEARS OF STUDY AND RESEARCH NO MAN ON EARTH HAS DONE :)
THIS MY FAMILY AND FRIENDS DO NOT KNOW,BECAUSE I SELDOM TALK ABOUT MY WRITINGS TO THEM,STRANGELY ENOUGH,SO THEY JUST THINK I'M JUST THE MAD SON,DAD,BROTHER,FRIEND THEY ALWAYS HAD :( FEW
OF THEM KNOW OF THE SPIRITUAL SIDE OF ME,THEY ALL LOOK AT THE MAN THEY ONCE KNEW YEARS AGO,AND FORGET THE MAN WHO BOTHERS NONE,AND HELPS OTHERS WITHOUT QUESTION,AND HAVE ALWAYS DONE SO,EVEN THROUGH THE YEARS OF MADNESS :)
YOU SEE MY MADNESS WAS BUT FOR SECONDS,AND THROUGH DRINK,BUT THE EFFECTS LASTS FOR YEARS :(
AND BECAUSE I AM NOT A SUCCESS IN LIFE,THEN THE STORY IS HARD TO BELIEVE :(
IT WOULD BE MORE EASY TO BELIEVE COMING FROM A SUCCESSFUL BUSINESSMAN THAN SOMEONE WHO FELL DOWN MORE TIMES THAN ENOUGH,AND NOW CONTENDS WITH CLUSTERS HEADACHES,THE GREATEST PAIN KNOWN TO MAN AND DOCTORS,SO HOW CAN GOD AND THE GODDESS ALMIGHTY,THE HOLY SPIRIT EVER BE TALKING TO THIS BEING?
OVER THE YEARS I'VE BEEN TO LAP DANCE CLUBS,STRIP CLUBS AND HAD MASSAGES WITH PARTNERS I'VE BEEN WITH,ONCE OR TWICE :)
MY FRIENDS HAVE EVEN BEEN TO LIVE SEX SHOWS,AND STRANGELY TO SEE STICKY VICKY,AND NOW HER DAUGHTER,BUT THIS DID NOT APPEAL TO ME,WHICH PROVES,WE ALL HAVE DIFFERENT TASTES IN LIFE :)
BUT ONCE YOU'VE BEEN TO A LAP DANCE CLUB ONCE OR TWICE WITH PARTNER AND FRIENDS,THE NOVELTY,SOON WEARS OFF,AND YOU FIND THE FASCINATION AT THE END OF THE DAY WAS JUST THAT,A FASCINATION :)
I NEVER FOUND MYSELF IN THESE VENUES ALONE,IT WAS ALWAYS WITH PARTNERS AND FRIENDS,AND ITS WAS MORE OUT OF FUN,THAN PERSONAL ENJOYMENT :)
I'VE WATCHED PORN,HAD FANTASIES,PLAYED ADULT GAMES,BUT NEVER ENJOYED ANOTHER,SEXUALLY,BAR THE PARTNER I WAS WITH :(
I EVEN WENT TO A SWINGER PARTY IN THE LATE 90'S,AND I SWUNG OUT OF IT ASAP,NO THANK YOU :(
THE ENTERTAINMENT SCENE,AND THE MONEY PEEPS, WAS NOT FOR ME :(
YOU DIDN'T LEAVE YOUR KEYS IN A BOWL,BUT YOUR FALSE TEETH :(
I DROPPED OUT OF THAT SCENE,PRONTO.
AND I WAS NEVER MR GREY :(
WITH DRUGS,YOUR SUPERMEN AND WOMEN, BUT THAT LEAVES WHEN DRINK AND DRUGS WERE OFF :(
ONCE MORE,THINGS YOU DO,AND TRY ONCE OR TWICE,BUT NEVER AGAIN :(
EVEN TODAY,AT A BIRTHDAY PARTY,I CAN NEVER SEE THE ATTRACTION OF A STRIP-A-GRAM,BUT THEN AGAIN,THAT'S JUST ME :)
IN THE ENTERTAINMENT BUSINESS THERE ARE MANY BRANCHES TO THE TREE,WHICH CROSS THEIR PASSES AT TIMES,WITHIN,AND WITHOUT :)
THAT'S WHY I JUDGE NONE :)
FOR WE ARE ALL ON OUR OWN JOURNEY'S TOWARD ENLIGHTENMENT :)
THERE IS NO ONE TO SAY YOU CANNOT DO THIS OR THAT,AS LONG AS YOUR NOT HURTING ANYBODY,AND ITS NOT ILLEGAL :)
ENJOY YOUR HOLIDAY'S,AND IF YOU WISH TO GO AND SEE STICKY VICKY :( THEN DO SO :)
EACH TO THERE OWN :)
GOD AND THE GODDESS ALMIGHTY,THE HOLY SPIRIT WILL NOT FROWN ON YOU FOR SUCH THINGS :)
THAT IS WHY YOU WERE GIVEN FREEWILL PEEPS :)
FREEWILL FOR ENJOYMENT AND FUN IS NEVER FROWNED UPON BY THE DIVINE,REGARDLESS OF WHAT THE FUDDY DUDDY'S SAY :(
IF THE ESTABLISHED CHURCHES HAD THEIR WAY,THEIR WOULD BE NO FUN IN THIS WORLD PERIOD :(
LIFE IS TO BE ENJOYED,IN WHATEVER WAY PEOPLE CHOICE TO LIVE IT,WITHOUT JUDGEMENT AND CONDEMNATION,IF THEY ARE LIVING IN HARMONY WITH THEIR NEIGHBOUR'S,REGARDLESS OF PROFESSION OR LIFESTYLE :)
WHO ARE WE TO JUDGE OR CONDEMN?
DID NOT JESUS TELL US TO LEAVE THAT TO THOSE ABOVE?
IF JESUS SAT WITH TAX COLLECTORS,PROSTITUTES AND SINNERS,SURELY HE KNEW WHAT HE WAS DOING?
I MEAN JESUS WASN'T CALLED A DRUNKARD AND GLUTTON FOR NO REASON,HE HAD TO BE SEEN,DRUNK AND MAKING A PIG OF HIMSELF AT TIMES,TO WARRANT SUCH AN OBSERVATION?
YET THE AVERAGE CHRISTIAN WOULD DENY THE ABOVE AS A LIE,EVEN THOUGH IT IS WITHIN THE SCRIPTURES,IN BLACK AND WHITE,FOR ALL TO SEE,THE HUMAN PROPHET,JESUS CHRIST,SON OF JOSEPH AND MARY WAS AT TIMES A DRUNKARD AND GLUTTON,AND THAT'S THE GOSPEL TRUTH :)
WHICH IF BILLIONS OF CHRISTIANS WERE TOLD,IT WOULD FREE THEM OF THE BURDEN OF TRYING TO LIVE UP TO THE EXPECTATIONS OF THIS MYTH THAT JESUS WAS THIS HOLY JOE WITHOUT BLEMISH,WHEN IN TRUTH HE WAS JUST LIKE THEM AT TIMES,A HUMAN BEING,WHO LIKED TO PARTY,WITH TAX COLLECTORS,PROSTITUTES AND SINNERS OF ALL SHADES :)
JOHN THE BAPTIST WAS THE COUSIN,WHO WAS WITHOUT BLEMISH,IF TRUTH BE TOLD :)
YET HE IS SELDOM MENTIONED?
WITH WISDOM THERE IS MUCH WE WOULD NOT DO,THAT WE DID WHEN WE WERE YOUNGER,OR EVEN NOT SO YOUNG :(
IF YOU HONOUR YOUR HEAVENLY FATHER AND MOTHER,AND LOVE THY NEIGHBOUR AS THYSELF,THEN THAT COVERS EVERYTHING :)
SO IF YOU WISH TO PARTY,AND YOU ARE HARMING NO ONE,AND TAKING CARE OF YOUR COMMITMENTS,THEN THE DIVINE HAVE NO PROBLEM WITH THAT :)
BUT THEN AGAIN,I'M NOT A PREACHER,I'M A SINNER WITH A POINT OF VIEW,WHO KNOWS WHO JESUS SAT AMONGST :)
I RESPECT MY NEIGHBOURS,AND QUIETLY DO MY CHARITY WORK,THROUGH MY ILLNESS'S,UNTIL I CAN WORK AGAIN :)
I HAVEN'T PARTIED IN 7 YEARS,DUE TO PERSONAL CHOICE,AND ILLNESS,CLUSTER HEADACHES,CONTROL MOST OF MY LIFE :(
AN ILLNESS I WOULDN'T EVEN WISH ON SATAN :(
THEY CALL THEM SUICIDE HEADACHES AND RECENTLY I HAVE COME CLOSE TO ENDING IT,THANKFULLY,THE DIVINE AND DOCTORS ARE WITH ME :)
BUT THOSE 7 YEARS HAVE HAD ME CATCH UP ON THE 17 YEARS OF WRITING,STUDYING AND RESEARCHING ON THE SUBJECT I WRITE AND SPEAK OF,GOD AND THE GODDESS ALMIGHTY,THE HOLY SPIRIT,JESUS,MARY MAGDALENE,THEIR BLOODLINE AND BEYOND :)
I NEVER STOPPED WRITING,STUDYING OR RESEARCHING IN ALL THESE 17 YEARS,EVEN THOUGH MANY HAVE RIDICULED AND LAUGHED AT ME,AND SOME VERY CLOSE TO ME :(
BUT STILL I AM STEADFAST IN THE TRUTH THE DIVINE REVEAL TO ME :)
YOU CAN'T HAVE CHILDREN,NOT EVEN ADAM AND EVE,WITHOUT A WOMAN,GODDESS,THE HOLY SPIRIT :)
WHEN GOD ALMIGHTY SAID,"LET US MAKE MAN IN OUR IMAGE,AFTER OUR LIKENESS."HE WAS NOT ALONE :)
AND BEING HE IS A MALE,WOMEN COULD NOT BE CREATED IN HIS IMAGE,SO THE ONLY LOGICAL CONCLUSION,IF YOU HAVE WISDOM ON YOUR SIDE IS,HE IS TALKING TO HIS LOVE,PARTNER,CO CREATOR AND DAILY DELIGHT,PROVERBS 8 22-36,REVELATION 12,"AND WISDOM IS VINDICATED BY HER CHILDREN."
IT WOULD HAVE BEEN MUCH EASIER IF GOD AND THE GODDESS,THE HOLY SPIRIT HAD'VE PICKED THIS FLESH WHEN HE WAS BORN,AND GUIDED HIM FROM THAT POINT,INSTEAD OF ALLOWING TO GO THROUGH 12 YEARS OF EXTREME SEXUAL,PSYCHICAL AND MENTAL CHILD ABUSE,TO THEN TO BE THROWN INTO A WORLD,OF SELF ABUSE,UNTIL THEY FINALLY CAME ALONG TO AWAKEN HIS SOUL :(
BUT THEN THEY REVEAL,NOTHING IS BY CHANCE,AND EVERYTHING HAS ITS REASON,AND ALL WAS PART OF YOUR LEARNING,AND THE LEARNING OF THOSE AROUND YOU :)
WHICH IS QUITE UNBELIEVABLE FOR A DAMAGED MIND AND VERY WEIRY FAMILY AND FRIENDS TO FATHOM :(
COMING THROUGH YEARS OF ALCOHOL,DRUG ABUSE,FAILED MARRIAGE,RELATIONSHIP PROBLEMS AND BRUSHES WITH THE LAW WHEN MY DRINKING WAS AT ITS HEIGHT 26 YEARS AGO,SUDDENLY SPEAKING OF GOD,AND EVEN MORE A GODDESS,A FEMALE HOLY SPIRIT,WAS OF COURSE GOING TO GET YOU VERY STRANGE LOOKS,AND EVEN LAUGHTER FROM FAMILY AND FRIENDS,EVEN THOUGHTS OF,HE'S TOTALLY FLIPPED HIS MIND :(
YET SURELY THEY SHOULD HAVE BEEN OVER THE MOON THAT THEIR SON WAS TALKING GOD AND JESUS?
MY PROBLEM WAS,I HAD TOLD THEM,A WOMAN WAS TALKING TO ME ASWELL,THE GODDESS ALMIGHTY,THE HOLY SPIRIT,AND TO ALL AROUND ME,THAT WAS,MORK CALLING ORSON :(
EVEN THOUGH MY DRINKING WAS AT AN END,ME TALKING OF A GODDESS,AND A JESUS BEING MARRIED TO MARY MAGDALENE,AND HAVING CHILDREN,AND THEIR BLOODLINE CAME RIGHT DOWN TO THE STEWART BLOODLINE,WHICH IS MY BLOODLINE,MY MOTHER AND FATHER JUST LAUGHED,AND TRULY THOUGHT THEIR SON HAD FLIPPED :(
YET IN YOUR YOUTH,YOUR BEATIN AND FORCED TO BELIEVE IN GOD AND JESUS,AND BEATIN AND FORCED INTO CHAPEL AND CHURCHES BY YOUR PARENTS :(
WELL THAT'S MY EXPERIENCE,AND WHAT I SAW SOME OF MY FRIENDS GOING THROUGH, WAS NOT NORMAL BEHAVIOUR FOR ANY ADULT :(
BUT WHEN YOU REACH YOUR THIRTIES,AND SOMETHING UNEXPECTED,AND TRULY AMAZING HAPPENS,AND YOU GET 100% PROOF THAT THERE IS NOT ONLY AND GOD,BUT ALSO A GODDESS ALMIGHTY,THE HOLY SPIRIT,AND A MULTITUDE OF OTHER HUMAN BEINGS ABOVE,YOU SUDDENLY WANT TO TELL EVERYBODY,THINKING,THEY ARE BOUND TO LISTEN,BECAUSE THEY ALL GO TO CHURCH,AND ALL THEY ALL WANTED TO SEE FOR YEARS WAS A SOBER,SAVED SON,WHO HAD FOR GOD AND JESUS AGAIN :)
THE PROBLEM WAS,THEIR GOD AND JESUS WAS DIFFERENT FROM MINE :(
THEIRS WAS JUDGING AND CONDEMNING ME NOW IN SOBRIETY,AND MOCKING MY INTEREST IN THE BIBLE,EVEN TELLING ME,"TO GET THAT RUBBISH AWAY FROM THEM."
PROVERBS 8 22-36 :)
THE DIVINE COUNCIL PSALMS 82.
THAT JESUS WAS MARRIED TO MARY MAGDALENE,EVEN THOUGH THERE ELDEST SON IS IN COLOSSIANS 4:11 AND IS KNOWN AS JESUS JUSTUS :)
FEW REALIZE THAT A RABBI HAD TO MARRY,AND HAD TO HAVE AN HEIR,AND THIS MOST CERTAINLY WOULD HAVE BEEN THE SAME FOR JESUS,SON OF JOSEPH,SON OF DAVID :)
IT IS IMPOSSIBLE THAT JESUS WAS NOT MARRIED,IMPOSSIBLE :)
AND WHAT IS EVEN MORE IMPOSSIBLE IS,A GOD,MALE GIVING BIRTH TO ANY CHILDREN,FACT :)
FOR I,AND ALL WHO READ MY BLOGS COME FROM A FATHER,BUT MORE IMPORTANTLY A MOTHER,AND WITHOUT THE MOTHER,THERE WOULD BE NO FATHER OR MOTHER,OR CHILDREN,MALE OR FEMALE :(
NOW WHEN I SPEAK TO CHRISTIANS ABOUT THIS FACT,AND ESPECIALLY CREATIONISTS,THOSE WHO BELIEVE THE BIBLE IS THE COMPLETE WORD OF GOD ALMIGHTY :(
EVEN THOUGH,IN JOHN'S GOSPEL IT CLEARLY SAYS,IF EVERYTHING JESUS SAID AND DID WERE WRITTEN DOWN IN BOOKS,I SUPPOSE THIS WORLD COULD NOT HOLD THOSE BOOKS :)
AND EVEN THOUGH IT IS WRITTEN,"AND WHEN HE/SHE COMES,HE/SHE WILL REVEAL ALL TRUTH.'
SO ALL TRUTH HAS YET TO BE REVEALED,FOR PENTECOST WAS BUT THE BREATHE OF THE SPIRIT :)
HE/SHE IS A BEING/S,WHO MUST COME IN FLESH,THIS ALSO MOST MISS,INCLUDING THE SO CALLED EXPERTS IN THEOLOGY :(
BUT THEN AGAIN,I COULD JUST BE A MADMAN?
BUT IS IT NOT MAD FOR A GOD TO BE TALKING TO HIMSELF IN GENESIS,ON THE 6TH DAY?
WHEN HE SAID,"LET (US) MAKE MAN IN (OUR) LIKENESS,AFTER (OUR) LIKENESS."
THEY LOCK PEOPLE UP FOR THAT UPON EARTH :(
YET A GOD TALKING TO HIMSELF IS FINE?
THE CHRISTIANS SAY,'HE'S TALKING WITHIN THE FATHER,SON AND THE HOLY SPIRIT.'
YET IF THEY TRULY KNEW MY FATHER,GOD ALMIGHTY,THEY WOULD KNOW,THE ONE HE TALKS TO IS HIS LOVE,PARTNER,CO CREATOR,AND DAILY DELIGHT,THE GODDESS ALMIGHTY,THE HOLY SPIRIT :) PROVERBS 8 22-36,REVELATION 12,"AND WISDOM IS VINDICATED BY HER CHILDREN."
JESUS WASN'T EVEN BORN AT THE BEGINNING,SO THE TRINITY WASN'T EVEN IN EXISTENCE,ROME CREATED THAT IN LATTER YEARS :(
A BIT FURTHER ON IN GENESIS,THE CAT IS OUT OF THE BAG,WHEN ONCE MORE SEVERAL,OR TWO ARE SPEAKING,"LET US GO DOWN FOR MAN HAS BECOME LIKE ONE OF (US) KNOWING GOOD AND EVIL."
THE TRINITY WERE NOT GOING DOWN :)
BUT THE GODS,AND SONS OF THE DIVINE COUNCIL WERE :) PSALMS 82.
THIS IS WHY MY FAMILY AND FRIENDS BECAME CONCERNED,FRIGHTENED AND LAUGHED NERVOUSLY :(
I SUDDENLY BEGAN TO SPEAK OF THINGS,I COULD NOT HAVE KNOWN,IN DETAIL,WITHOUT PAUSE,AND WITH SO MUCH EXPERTISE :(
YET MY LIFE STILL SEEMED A MESS,I DIDN'T GO TO CHURCH,I WAS IN AND OUT OF WORK,AND FOREVER WRITING,STUDYING AND SPEAKING ABOUT MY NEW PASSION,AND CONTINUE TO SPEAK ABOUT IT,TO MUCH HILARITY AND MOCKING AT TIMES,AND SOMETIMES BEING MARCHED OUT OF CHURCHES FOR ASKING QUESTIONS THE TEACHER OF A CHURCH CANNOT ANSWER :(
YET WISDOM IS VINDICATED BY HER CHILDREN :)
I AM NO PREACHER,OR HOLY JOE :)
I WAS A LOVING HUSBAND AND PARTNER WHILE SOBER,BUT RUINED IT ALL IN THE END,WHEN ALCOHOL AND DRINK GOT THE BETTER OF ME AGAIN 20 YEARS AGO,BROKE THREE BEAUTIFUL DAUGHTERS HEARTS,HEARTS I'M STILL TRYING TO REPAIR :)
I WAS LUCKY TO BE A HOUSE HUSBAND FOR A FEW YEARS,SO I HAVE A BOND WITH MY DAUGHTERS,BETTER THAN MOST,EVEN THOUGH I WAS A ONCE A WEEK DAD,AFTER THE DUST SETTLED FROM THE SEPARATION,WHEN SPEAKING TERMS ARE NIL,AND ANGER IS STILL HIGH :(
MY POOR WIFE HAD BEEN THROUGH THIS,SO MANY TIMES BEFORE,AND SO HAD I,MOVING OUT,FINDING A PLACE TO STAY ANOTHER'S SOFA OR SPARE BED AGAIN :(
WORST OF ALL,THERE WAS NO MOBILES,SOCIAL MEDIA,CAR,JOB AND MILES AWAY FROM EVERYBODY I LOVED :(
ROCK BOTTOM AGAIN :(
MORE ENDLESS NIGHTS OF CRYING,MISSING WIFE AND CHILDREN :( AND ALL BECAUSE OF DRINK AND DRUGS.
ITS ALL FUN AT THE TIME,UNTIL THE COLD LIGHT OF DAY :(
I LOST INTEREST IN ENTERTAINING,DOING MAINLY CHARITY SHOWS,FELL IN LOVE AGAIN WITH A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN,WHO GAVE ME SO MUCH STRENGTH AND HELP,BUT ONCE MORE DRINK,AND ONE NIGHT OF JEALOUS MADNESS RUINED THAT,HOW I EMBARRASSED HER,AND I DON'T EVEN REMEMBER IT :(
BUT I LISTENED TO HER TELL ME,ALONG WITH A FRIEND,AND I WAS ASHAMED,THE TONGUE CAN BE A CRUEL THING WITH DRINK AND JEALOUSY :(
AFTER THAT MY DRINKING TOOK A BACK SEAT :(
THIS LEGAL SUBSTANCE,WHICH HAS CAUSED NOTHING BUT PAIN THROUGHOUT MY FAMILY LIFE,AND MINE,HAD ROBBED ME OF EVERYTHING I HAD EVER LOVED :(
LOVE,FAMILY,FRIENDS,FREEDOM,JOBS,SANITY,DIGNITY,PRIDE :(
ENTERTAINING TOOK A BACK SEAT AGAIN AS I REFLECTED,AS MANY TIMES BEFORE,SECONDS OF MADNESS,AND ALL BECAUSE OF DRINK :(
ITS WAS ALWAYS SECONDS OF MADNESS,BEFORE LONG PERIODS OF SOBRIETY :)
BUT THIS TIME,GOD AND THE GODDESS ALMIGHTY,THE HOLY SPIRIT WERE TO ENTER MY LIFE,THROUGHOUT THE MADNESS AND MESS,WHICH BEGAN A SPIRITUAL JOURNEY FULL OF WONDER AND AT TIMES MAGIC :)
YET BEING HUMAN,I STILL HAVE MADE MISTAKES ALONG THE WAY,BUT THANKFULLY FEW OVER THE LAST MANY YEARS :)
YOU SEE WHEN GOD ALMIGHTY,JESUS AND EVEN THE GODDESS ALMIGHTY,THE HOLY SPIRIT ENTERS A PERSON LIFE,THEY ARE STILL HUMAN BEINGS :)
BUT THE DIVINE DO NOT WISH YOU TO GIVE UP YOUR LIFE,AND PRAY TO THEM 24/7 :(
AND GIVE UP THIS AND THAT :(
YOU HAVE FREEWILL PEEPS,TO DO AS YOU WISH :)
THE ONLY REQUEST IS YOU HONOUR YOUR HEAVENLY FATHER AND MOTHER,GOD AND THE GODDESS ALMIGHTY,AND LOVE THY NEIGHBOUR,AS THYSELF,WHICH COVERS ALL THE COMMANDMENTS :)
THERE IS TOO MUCH JUDGING AND CONDEMNING IN THIS WORLD,BY THOSE WHO CLAIM TO BELIEVE IN JESUS,WHO WARNED ABOUT JUDGING AND CONDEMNING,"LET THEM WITHOUT SIN CAST THE FIRST STONE."
I SEE CHRISTIANS CONTINUALLY JUDGING AND CONDEMNING GLBT PEEPS,WHICH IS NOT WHAT JESUS WOULD HAVE DONE :(
BUT THEY TAKE THEIR JUDGEMENT AND CONDEMNATION FROM THE OLD TESTAMENT :(
TIS THE SAME WITH RELIGIONS,THEY ALL CLAIM TO BE TRUE,AND WILL KILL TO DEFEND THEIR OWN RELIGION,AND AS YOU SEE WITH ISIS,THEY WILL KILL ALL,INCLUDING THEIR OWN,TO FORCE THEIR IDEOLOGY UPON EVERY SOUL AND FLESH THEY MET :(
IN MY YOUTH RELIGIOUS WAR,HATE AND BIGOTRY WAS BAD,BUT NEVER LIKE THIS :(
THIS WORLD HAS REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF RELIGIOUS MADNESS,NOT SEEN SINCE THE CRUSADES OF OLD :(
NOW SOME WOULD SAY,WHAT HAS THIS TO DO WITH MY LIFE?
I LIVE UPON THIS PLANET,SO ALL EFFECTS ME,NEAR AND FAR :)
JESUS SAID,"IF YOU WISH TO SPEAK TO MY FATHER,WHO IS IN HEAVEN,THEN GO TO YOUR ROOM,AND SPEAK TO HIM IN PRAVTE,AND IN PRIVATE HE WILL ANSWER YOU."
YOU DO NOT HAVE TO RUSH TO A BUILDING OF BRICKS AND MORTAR TO SPEAK TO GOD AND THE GODDESS ALMIGHTY,THE HOLY SPIRIT :)
"FOR WHERE TWO OR THREE ARE GATHERED TOGETHER IN MY NAME,THERE I WILL BE."
TURN A STONE OVER,AND THE DIVINE ARE THERE,SPEAK TO A TREE AND THEY LISTEN,TALK TO YOUR CHILD,YOUR DOG,THE MOON,AND THERE THEY WILL BE :)
AND WHEN YOU HEAR THAT VOICE WITHIN YOU ANSWERING,THE ONE YOU KNOW IS NOT YOU,THAT'S EITHER OUR HEAVENLY FATHER OR MOTHER,THE HOLY SPIRIT SPEAKING,AND YOU WILL KNOW ITS THEM :)
IN YEARS GONE BY,POOR SOULS WERE LOCKED UP IN ASYLUMS,TODAYS PSYCHIATRISTS ARE BEGINNING TO UNDERSTAND,TALKING TO YOURSELF,AND EVEN HEARING VOICES,IS NO SO MENTAL AT ALL :)
AS LONG AS THE VOICES ARE NOT ASKING YOU TO CAUSE EVIL, WHICH IF THEY ARE, THEN YOU NEED HELP,ASAP :(
YOU SEE GOD AND THE GODDESS ALMIGHTY,THE HOLY SPIRIT,JESUS AND ANY SPIRITS OF DIVINE ORIGIN,WILL NEVER ASK TO DO AN EVIL ACT :)
SO TEST EVERY SPIRIT AS JESUS REQUESTED,THOSE WHO DENY,JESUS CAME IN FLESH,ARE NOT FROM GOD AND THE GODDESS ALMIGHTY,THE HOLY SPIRIT,AND SHOULD BE AVOIDED,LEST YOU BE LEAD ASTRAY :(
WHEN YOU TAKE CHILDREN OF SIX YEARS OF AGE AND ABOVE,ABUSING THEM IN THE NAME OF GOD ALMIGHTY,JESUS AND THE HOLY SPIRIT,THEN YOU ARE GOING TO GET FCUKED UP TEENAGERS AND ADULTS WHO WILL GET THEMSEVES INTO ALL KINDS OF TROUBLE,EVEN GETTING INVOLVED IN WARS AND RELIGIOUS CONFLICTS :(
YET HUMAN JUDGES,SOCIETY OR THE MEDIA DO NOT SEE THE BIG PICTURE,EVEN THOUGH MOST COME FROM THIS BACKGROUND,IF TRUTH BE TOLD :(
THE MEDIA REPORT ON WHAT THEY THEMSELVES HAVE SUFFERED,EXCEPT THE OLD SCHOOL,THEY WILL NEVER REVEAL THE TRUTH OF THEIR ABUSE :(
TO THEM,THAT WAS THE NORM :(
BLACK AND BLUE WENT ALONG WITH ORANGE AND GREEN :(
IF I HAD'VE BEEN BORN WITH WISDOM, AND WITHOUT THE CURSE OF ALCOHOL IN MY LIFE, I WOULD HAVE NEVER GOT MYSELF INTO ANY TROUBLE.
SOBER, I WAS A PERFECT HUSBAND, FATHER, PARTNER, FRIEND, BUT WHEN I ALLOWED DRINK TO RUIN EVERYTHING, IN SECONDS OF MADNESS, DEMONS CONTROLLED ME :(
I RARELY DRINK NOW, AND AVOID SPIRITS AT ALL COSTS, BECAUSE ONCE YOU DRINK SPIRITS, SPIRITS OF DARKNESS ENTER INTO YOU, WHICH MANY MILLIONS WILL KNOW BY THEIR EXPERIENCES WITH DRINK, GOOD AND BAD :(
MODERATION IS THE ONLY WAY YOU CAN WITHHOLD THE SPIRITS OF DARKNESS, WHICH WITHIN SOCIETY TODAY, FEW REMEMBER AS THEY DRINK :(
SURE ONE MORE WILL DO NO HARM, THE FAMOUS LAST WORDS OF A FOOL.
I ALWAYS LOVED WHOEVER I WAS WITH, AND NEVER A WEEK WENT PAST THAT I DIDN'T BUY FLOWERS, CHOCS OR SOME KIND OF PRESENT FOR WHOEVER I WAS WITH, BE IT MY WIFE, OR GIRLFRIENDS OF THE PAST.
I STILL BY PRESENTS FOR FAMILY AND FRIENDS, WHICH I HAVE ALWAYS DONE THROUGHOUT MY LIFE, AND THROUGH THE MADNESS OF MY HEAVY DRINKING DAYS.
I NEVER FORGET BIRTHDAYS, CHRISTMAS, MOTHER'S DAY, OR JUST AS A THANK YOU TO FAMILY AND FRIENDS I LOVE :)
I'VE ONLY HAD A LOT OF MONEY ONCE IN MY LIFE, WHICH CAME ABOUT BY CHANCE, BUT EVEN THAT WAS SHARED BY FAMILY AND FRIENDS, WHICH HAS ALWAYS BEEN MY WAY, WHICH THOSE WHO KNOW ME KNOW.
NEVER DID I GET INTO TROUBLE, BAR THROUGH MY DRINKING, WHICH IS BORNE OUT BY MY POLICE RECORD.
WHEN I FORGOT ABOUT MODERATION, AND MY HEAVENLY PARENTS, GOD AND THE GODDESS ALMIGHTY, THE HOLY SPIRIT, HARD LESSONS WERE TAUGHT BY THEM :(
DRINK WAS THE ONLY TIME THINGS WENT WRONG IN MY LIFE, SOBER, EVERYTHING WENT RIGHT.
YET FAMILY, PARTNERS AND FRIENDS MADE THEIR OWN MISTAKES VIA ALCOHOL, BUT SOME FORGET THEIR OWN DRINKING AND MISTAKES, AND COVER THE TRUTH WITH LIES, LETTING ON THEY ARE PILLARS OF SOCIETY, WHILE HIDING THE TRUTH FROM THOSE THEY KNOW, BLAMING OTHERS FOR THEIR OWN MISTAKES :(
NORTHERN IRELAND IS A DRINKING NATION, AND HAS ALWAYS BEEN, IN DAYS OF OLD, MOVIES ALWAYS INCLUDED THE DRUNKEN IRISH MAN.
YET SINCE I WAS YOUNG, I ALWAYS DID CHARITY WORK, TAKING HANDICAP PATIENTS TO CHURCH ON A SUNDAY WHEN I WAS 13, TO FUNDRAISING FOR THOUSANDS OF CHARITIES OVER THE YEARS, WHICH I STILL DO WHEN I AM ABLE, WHEN THE CLUSTER HEADACHES ALLOW, IT WAS JUST MY WAY, TO HELP OTHERS, BE IT CHARITY OR JUST HELPING A FRIEND OR STRANGER OUT, EVEN WHEN I COULDN'T AFFORD IT, I LENT OR GAVE OTHERS MONEY, WHICH MANY KNOW, AND I HAVE GIVEN THOUSANDS TO FAMILY, FRIENDS AND EVEN STRANGERS, AND NEVER PASS A BEGGER IN THE STREET.
I HAVE NEVER HID MY PAST FROM ANYONE, MY HEAVY DRINKING DAYS AND THE TROUBLE WHICH CAME FROM IT, BECAUSE I HAVE LEARNT THE TRUTH IS BETTER THAN THE LIE, AND A LIE WILL ALWAYS CATCH YOU OUT, SO ITS BETTER TO BE HONEST WITH FAMILY, PARTNERS, FRIENDS AND STRANGERS.
YOU WILL FIND WHEN YOU TELL THE TRUTH, OTHERS WILL REVEAL THE TRUTH ASWELL, AND THE MISTAKES IN LIFE THEY THEMSELVES HAVE MADE.
SOME FAMILY, PARTNERS AND FRIENDS, LIVE IN DENIAL ABOUT THE MISTAKES THEY HAVE MADE IN THE PAST, OR ABOUT THEIR ADDICTIONS, BUT THATS FOR THEM TO DENY.
I COULD HAVE HAD MANY IN COURT FOR MY CHILDHOOD ABUSE, AS I WATCH OTHERS ON THE NEWS DOING, BUT WHATS THE POINT, MOST CHILD ABUSERS, EITHER GET OF WITH THEIR ABUSE, OR GET SENTENCES, AS IF THEY HAVE BUT STOLEN A PACKET OF SWEETS, INSTEAD OF SERIOUS SEXUAL, PSYCHICAL AND MENTAL ABUSE OVER MANY YEARS, IN MY CASE 10 YEARS STRAIGHT :(
SOCIETY LOVES TO GOSSIP, AND LISTEN TO TALES AND CHINESE WHISPERS WHICH COME FROM THOSE WHO'S OWN LIVES ARE A MESS, AND MANY BLAME ANOTHER FOR THEIR OWN WOES, BE THEY FROM THEIR CURRENT PARTNERS, CHILDREN OR THEIR OWN DRINKING AND TROUBLE THAT COMES WITH IT :(
I NEVER BLAMED ANOTHER FOR THE TROUBLE MY DRINKING BROUGHT MY WAY, IT WAS MY FAULT FOR NOT HAVING THE WISDOM AND GUIDANCE AT THE TIME TO SEEK HELP FOR SUCH A DEVASTATING AND DANGEROUS ADDICTION AS ALCOHOL, BUT EVERYTHING WOULD BE EASY IF YOU HAD HINDSIGHT, BUT ALAS, YOU ARE NOT BORN WITH WISDOM OR HINDSIGHT.
THANKFULLY MY DRINKING OVER THE YEARS HAS ALMOST STOPPED, EVENTUALLY GIVING UP ON SPIRITS COMPLETELY, BECAUSE WHEN SPIRITS ARE TAKEN, SPIRITS OF DARKNESS ENTER THE HOST, WHICH BRINGS MUCH SORROW TO THEM, AND THOSE THEY LOVE, SO IN 2014, I LEAVE SPIRITS OF ALCOHOL TO OTHERS, THOUGH I KNOW I WILL BE TESTED WHEN I SAY, "I'M FINISHED WITH SPIRITS
I ONLY HAVE A DRINK WITH FAMILY AND FRIENDS NOW, AND EVEN THAT IS SELDOM, WHICH IS MY CHOICE, THOUGH CLUSTER HEADACHES KEEP ME SOBER NOW, THANK GOD AND THE GODDESS, THE HOLY SPIRIT, AND ITS BEEN OVER 28 YEARS SINCE MY FAMILY, ESPECIALLY MY DAUGHTERS HAVE SEEN ME DRUNK, AND A FEW YEARS SINCE MY FRIENDS HAVE SEEN ME TRULY OUT OF IT :)
I NEVER DRINK AT HOME, AND RARELY WHEN I'M OUT, PREFERRING A FEW PINTS OF GUINNESS RATHER THAN ANY SPIRITS.
IF ONLY IN MY YOUTH I'D HAVE LEARNT WHAT I KNOW NOW, I COULD HAVE STOPPED ALL THE HEARTACHE TO MYSELF AND OTHERS.
SAN DOM DE NANTA VAN SAN NANTESS ESTANTO PEEPS?
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