I ALSO STARTED HAVING STRANGE DREAMS AND VISIONS,AND HAVE AQUIRED A LANGUAGE WHICH IS NOT OF EARTH :) WHICH GIVES MY VARIOUS HEAD DOCTORS A LAUGH AT TIMES,THOUGH I KNOW SOME OF THEM ARE A LITTLE SCARED BY WHAT I AM REVEALING TO THEM,PLUS THE WRITINGS I HAVE GIVEN THEM,WHICH ARE NOT TO BE FOUND WITHIN BOOKS OF EARTH ARE INTERESTING TO DOCTORS WHO STUDY THE WORKINGS OF THE BRAIN,BUT EVEN THEY HAVE TO CONCEDE,THEY DO NOT KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT THE BRAIN,THOUGH IF TRUTH BE TOLD,THEY KNOW VERY LITTLE ABOUT IT,EVEN LESS THE WORKINGS OF THE SOUL.
ADD IN THE STRONG MEDICATION,THEN NIGHTS BECOME DAYS,AND DAYS NIGHTS,AND LIFE AT TIMES BECOMES TIRESOME.
I SPENT 2 WEEKS IN AN INDUSED COMA AND A FURTHER 8 WEEKS IN HOSPITAL,BEFORE FOOLISHLY SIGNING MYSELF OUT OF HOSPITAL TO TRY TO RETURN HOME,I TRULY DID NOT KNOW HOW SERIOUSLY ILL I WAS UNTIL I BECAME VERY ILL AGAIN,FOR ABOUT A WEEK IN A VILLA AN HOUR AND A HALF AWAY FROM THE SPECIALIST HOSPITAL I'D LEFT,THE STRANGE THING IS,THE HOSPITAL SHOULD HAVE KNOCKED ME OUT,BEFORE LETTING ME GO,ESPECIALLY WHEN I HADN'T A CLUE WHAT I WAS DOING,AND WAS IN SUCH A DANGEROUS SHAPE,BUT THAT'S FREEWILL FOR YOU,WHICH NOT EVEN DOCTORS AND NURSES CAN OVERRIDE.REGARDLESS OF THE MENTAL STATE OF THE PATIENT AT THAT VERY MOMENT IN TIME.
LUCKILY OR AT TIMES UNLUCKLY IT SEEMS,I SURVIVED,BUT THE JOURNEY SINCE THAT LIFE CHANGING NIGHT HAS BEEN FRIGHTENING,PAINFUL,MIND BLOWING,AND AT TIMES EXHAUSTING,BUT NOTHING HAS BEEN WITHOUT LEARNING,GOOD AND BAD.
THIS BLOG WILL BE WRITTEN BIT BY BIT AS I REMEMBER,BECAUSE I SUFFER FROM SEVERE MEMORY AT TIMES,A BAD STUTTER AND WORD ASSOCIATION PROBLEMS,PLUS I REMEMBER VERY LITTLE BEFORE OR AFTER MY BRAIN INJURY/TRAUMA.
AS I WATCH MICHAEL SHUMACHER STORY UNFOLD,I WILL WATCH WITH INTEREST HIS RECOVERY,IF HIS FLESH DOES NOT GIVE UP THE FIGHT,THOUGH A STRONG SOUL HELPS,AND IF ITS NOT HIS TIME,THEN RECOVERY SHALL BE.
THE PROBLEM IS,THE DRAMATIC CHANGE IN THE LIFE OF THOSE WHO SUFFER A BRAIN INJURY/TRAUMA AS RECOVERY BEGINS.
FIRST YOUR BRAIN TAKES A LONG TIME TO ADJUST TO THE FACT THAT NOTHING IS THE SAME ANYMORE,EVERYTHING HAS CHANGED.
I SUFFER FROM PTSD DUE TO THE SUDDEN IMPACT AND WITHOUT WARNING CHANGE OF LIFE.
I MYSELF TOTALLY WITHDREW FROM THE OUTSIDE WORLD,WHICH IS STILL A PROBLEM.
THE AMAZING THING IS,I USED TO BE A COMEDIAN,IMPRESSIONIST,ACTOR,SINGER,VOICE-OVER ARTIST,AND RECORDING ARTIST,WHO USE TO ENTERTAIN THOUSANDS,ON TELEVISION,RADIO,THEATRE AND FILMS,BUT SINCE MY BRAIN INJURY/TRAUMA,I DO NOT REMEMBER THE COMEDY,AND IF I TRY TO DO IT,I STUTTER,AND MIX UP MY WORDS,OR GO COMPLETELY BLANK,AS FOR SINGING,I CANNOT DO IT WITHOUT READING FROM A LAPTOP,TAKE THE LAPTOP AWAY,AND I CAN'T EVEN REMEMBER 2 LINES OF A SONG,SO ALL I CAN DO AT PRESENT IS TRY TO PRACTICE,WITH A HOPE OF MY MEMORY,WORD ASSOCIATION AND STUTTER PROBLEMS DISAPPEARING SOMEDAY,AND RETURNING TO THE JOB I USE TO LOVE.
I HAVE SEVERE PANIC ATTACKS WHEN I AM OUT AND ABOUT,AND SUFFER FROM GREAT DISTRESS WHEN ON PUBLIC TRANSPORT,OR PRIVATE TRANSPORT,WHICH IS BECAUSE I NOW KNOW WHAT A CAR CAN DO,AND THE DAMAGE IT CAN INFLICT IF DUE CARE IS NOT TAKEN,ESPECIALLY ON COLD STORMY WINTER NIGHTS.
AFTER LEAVING SPAIN MY TREATMENT WENT BACKWARDS,AND STILL IT IS SO ALMOST 5 YEARS LATER,THE NHS SYSTEM IS VERY SLOW,AND IN SOME CASES ALMOST NONE EXISTANT.
ALMOST 5 YEARS AND I AM STILL WAITING FOR A SECOND OPINION ON MY CLUSTER HEADACHES,WHICH MY FIRST NEUROLOGIST HAS DIAGNOSED AS CONVERSION DISORDER,IN OTHER WORDS MY HEADACHES ARE ALL IN MY HEAD :( NOT REAL,THOUGH THE EXTREME PAIN IS,LEAVING THE SUFFERER TOTALLY SUCIDAL,DISTRESSED AND FURTHER TRAUMATIZED,IF I'D HAD MONEY THIS CONDITION WOULD HAVE BEEN SORTED,AND WITH THE RIGHT TREATMENT AT LEAST EASED.
WHEN I SEE SOME,I CAN ONLY BE GRATEFUL THAT I CAME OUT OF MY BRAIN INJURY/TRAUMA A LOT BETTER THAN SOME I SPEAK WITH :)
THOUGH DAILY I STRUGGLE WITH THE DIFFERENT EFFECTS OF A BRAIN INJURY/TRAUMA,SOME FUNNY,LIKE MIXING MY WORMS UP,SOME NT SO FUNNY,LIKE CLUSTER HEADACHES,WHICH IN THEMSELVES ARE A BRAIN TRAUMA EVERYDAY.
ANOTHER STRANGE OCCURANCE HAPPENS TO ME EVERY NIGHT SINCE MY BRAIN TRAUMA/INJURY,I AM SLEEPING EVERY NIGHT FOR 12-24 HOURS WHICH IS REALLY UNNERVING,IT IS A IF MY BRAIN IS GOING INTO A MINI COMA EVERY NIGHT :( BY THE TIME I AWAKEN MY DAYS ARE OVER,WHICH IS FAR FROM GOOD :(
NOW SOME SAY TO ME,YOU MUST HAVE NEEDED IT,BUT EVERY NIGHT?
FORGETTING PEOPLES NAMES AND PLACES AND TIMES IN MY LIFE IS ANOTHER SIDE AFFECT OF A BRAIN INJURY/TRAUMA,I REGULARLY MIX UP MY DAUGHTERS NAMES,AND AS FOR SOME PEOPLE I'VE KNOWN FOR YEARS,ITS A MIX OF TRAIL AND ERROR,WITH AT TIMES A BIT OF A LAUGH,THOUGH SOME ARE HURT BY MY LACK OF MEMORIES OF THEM :(
I USE TO BE A COMEDIAN AND IMPRESSIONIST,AND WAS GOOD AT WHAT I DID,NOW I STRUGGLE TO REMEMBER EVEN ONE JOKE,AND FIND IT ALMOST IMPOSSIBLE TO DO A ROUTEEN.
AS FOR SINGING,I STRUGGLE DAILY WITH NOT BEING ABLE TO REMEMBER MORE THAN TWO LINES OF SONGS I USE TO KNOW BY HEART :(
I AM TRYING TO LEARN AGAIN,BUT WITHOUT A LAPTOP IN FRONT OF ME,I AM LOST,AS MY BRAIN TRIES TO SCRAMBLE THROUGH THE BILLIONS OF THOUGHTS GOING THROUGH IT,AT ANY GIVEN TIME.
THOUGH I HAVE STARTED RAISING MONEY FOR VARIOUS CHARITIES WHO DEAL WITH BRAIN INJURIES/TRAUMA'S AND THE MULTITUDE OF AFFECTS WHICH COME WITH THEM,SO FAR I HAVE RAISED 650 POUNDS,WHICH GIVES ME A LITTLE LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL I FIND MYSELF IN,GIVING HELP TO OTHERS IN THE SAME BOAT.
I ALSO HAVE MY HEAVENLY FATHER AND MOTHER TO GUIDE ME,PLUS A MULTITUDE OF SPIRITS SENT TO GUIDE MY JOURNEY,MY TWEETS AND BLOGS :) SO NOT ALL IS LOST.
IF ONLY MY VARIOUS HEAD DOCTORS COULD WIRE UP MY BRIAN TO MY COMPUTER KEYBOARD,THEN I WOULD BE FINE,I DO NOT STUTTER ONLINE,THOUGH AT TIMES I MIX UP MY WORMS :(
SOME NIGHTS I SLEEP 14 HOURS WHICH IS STRANGE TO SAY THE LEAST,ITS LIKE I AM GOING INTO A MINI COMA MOST NIGHTS :( AND EACH MORNING I WAKE,IT TAKES ME ABOUT AN HOUR TO LET MY BRAIN ADJUST TO WHAT SEEMS STRANGE SURROUNDINGS,THOUGH IT IS MY BEDROOM,BEING ON EARTH SEEMS STRANGE NOW,AS IF I AM NOT REALLY HERE,OR MAYBE MY BRAIN HAS AWAKENED TO THE DELUSION OF THIS WORLD.
I NOW NOTICE THINGS I NEVER NOTICED BEFORE,AND I AM AMAZED BY THAT WHICH IS NOW BEING REVEALED TO ME VIA MY HEAVENLY FATHER AND MOTHER ABOVE,GOD AND THE GODDESS ALMIGHTY,THE HOLY SPIRIT,AND MY SEVEN SPIRITS OF THE DIVINE COUNCIL.
WHEN I WAS BROUGHT OUT OF MY 2 WEEK INDUCED COMA,I COULDN'T SPEAK FOR A WEEK,DUE TO DAMAGE TO MY VOCAL CHORDS BECAUSE OF LIFE SUPPORT TUBES WHICH HAD BEEN KEEPING ALIVE.
THEN IT TOOK ME A FURTHER 2 WEEKS BEFORE I FULLY REALIZED WHAT WAS GOING ON,AND WHY I WAS IN ICU,THEN SLOWLY THE DOCTORS REDUCED OTHER DRUGS THEY WERE GIVING ME,BUT EVEN AFTER TWO MONTHS OF TREATMENT I WAS FAR FROM RECOVERY,NOW ALMOST FIVE YEARS LATER I STILL STRUGGLE DAILY WITH MANY SIDE EFFECTS,INCLUDING PTSD,CLUSTER HEADACHES/CONVERSION DISORDER,FLASH BACKS,A SEVERE STUTTER,WORD ASSOCIATION PROBLEMS,SEVERE MEMORY PROBLEMS,SEVERE NECK AND BACK PROBLEMS,SIATICA,LEG AND KNEE PROBLEMS,PLUS ELBOW AND CHEST PROBLEMS,THEN THERE IS THE DREAMS AND VISIONS,WHICH HAVE INCREASED SINCE MY ACCIDENT.
I PRAY TO GOD AND THE GODDESS ALMIGHTY,THE HOLY SPIRIT,THAT MICHAEL SHUMACHER WILL FIND THE STRENGTH WITHIN HIM TO RECOVER FULLY EVENTUALLY,BUT THE PATH IS NEVER EASY,AND THE LIFE IS CHANGED FOREVER,YET NOT ALL IS BAD,AS MY BLOGS AND TWEETS SHOW :)
DOORS IN THE BRAIN CLOSE,BUT OTHERS OPEN,REVEALING NEW PATHS.
THE CLUSTER HEADACHES/CONVERSION DISORDER CAUSE THE MOST DISCOMFORT,WITH EXTREMES OF PAIN I HAVE NEVER EXPERIENCED BEFORE IN LIFE.
FROM JANUARY 2013/14 TO THE PRESENT I HAVE SUFFERED 367,OVER THE LAST 5 YEARS IT IS IN THE THOUSANDS,AND STILL MY DOCTORS ARE HAVING TROUBLE DIAGNOSING THEM PROPERLY,AND A NEUROLOGIST CLAIMING THEY ARE CONVERSION DISORDER,IN OTHER WORDS,MY HEADACHES ARE ALL IN MY HEAD :(
I HAVE ASKED FOR A SECOND OPINION DOZENS OF TIMES NOW,AND HAVE MOVED DOCTORS 3 TIMES,BUT STILL THE DAILY EXTREME PAIN,TRAUMA AND DISTRESS CONTINUES,AND THIS ON TOP OF VARIOUS OTHER SIDE EFFECTS OF MY BRAIN INJURY/TRAUMA,AND PHYSICAL INJURIES.
IF I HAD MONEY,MY VARIOUS ILLNESS'S WOULD HAVE BEEN SORTED,AND TREATED PROPERLY,BUT ALAS IT IS NOT SO :(
SO ITS THE BROKEN NHS FOR ME,AND MANY THOUSANDS LIKE ME,THOUGH I MUST ADMIT,THE DOCTORS WITHIN THE BROKEN NHS SYSTEM DO THEIR BEST IN THE MESS THEY CALL CARE IN 2014.
BEING A COMEDIAN,IMPRESSIONIST AND EVEN A SINGER,I WAS ALWAYS LIVING LIFE AS ANOTHER PERSON,YOU SEE I HAD MY REAL NAME,AND THEN MY EQUITY NAME,THE NAME CHOSEN BY THE ACTORS AND MUSICIANS UNION,AND THEN MY SOUL NAME AUNIDAN ENTERED THE FRAY :( WALTER MITTY HAS NOTHING ON ME.
NOW AFTER MY BRAIN INJURY/TRAUMA,I AM STUCK IN A WORLD I FEEL DETACHED FROM,IN A BODY I FIND HARD TO RECOGNISE :( SO A NEW ACT UPON MY PATH OF PERSONALITIES AND SHAPE SHIFTING BEGAN 5 YEARS AGO,THOUGH THIS ONE I'M NOT RELISHING,EXCEPT FOR THE DREAMS AND VISIONS,WHICH ARE VERY INTERESTING TO SAY THE LEAST,AND MINDBLOWING AT THE SAME TIME :)
EACH DAY IS A STRUGGLE WITH MY NECK,BACK AND LOWER BACK,WHICH TOTALLY CONTROLS MY DAYS AND NIGHTS,ON TOP OF THE CLUSTER HEADACHES,KNEE AND ELBOW PROBLEMS,PTSD,NERVES,FLASHBACKS,TINNITUS,MEMORY,SPEECH AND WORD ASSOCIATION PROBLEMS ETC...
MY VARIOUS DOCTORS ARE TRYING THEIR BEST TO HELP,BUT IT IS A STRUGGLE NEVERTHELESS :( AND A STRUGGLE THAT TIRES ME AT TIMES.
AFTER BEGGING MY DOCTORS FOR A SECOND OPINION TO NEUROLOGY FOR 4 YEARS,DUE TO A NEUROLOGIST DIAGNOSING MY HEADACHES AS CONVERSION DISORDER,IN OTHER WORDS MY HEADACHES WERE ALL IN MY HEAD,IN OTHER WORDS,I WAS IMAGING THEM,I FINALLY GOT MY SECOND OPINION,AND WITHIN 2 MINUTES MY NEW NEUROLOGIST DIAGNOSED,CLUSTER HEADACHES :)
NOW I AM RECEIVING EVERY TREATMENT AVAILABLE,WHICH HAS AT LEAST REDUCED THE DAILY EXTREME PAIN,TRAUMA,DISTRESS AND TOTAL DISPAIR :( WHICH WAS DUE TO A SPIRITUAL EXPERIENCE BEING DIAGNOSED BY A LESS THAN CARING BRAIN INJURY UNIT,AS A MENTAL ISSUE :(
FOR YEARS I WAS BEGGING FOR HELP,TELLING MY BRAIN INJURY UNIT I WAS SUICIDAL,WEEKLY,I WAS TOLD,"TO PHONE THE SAMARITANS."
GRANTED MY RTA WAS PARTLY MY FAULT,AND THE FAULT OF A BADLY MAINTAINED COUNTRY ROAD IN SPAIN,BUT WHEN YOUR BEGGING DOCTORS WHO ARE SUPPOSED TO BE IN THE CARE BUSINESS,AND ARE SUPPOSED TO CARE,THEN IT IS A SHAME TO EACH AND EVERY DOCTOR I BEGGED FOR HELP OVER 4 YEARS OF EXTREME PAIN,TRAUMA,DISTRESS AND DISPAIR :(
I HAVE LOST FAMILY,FRIENDS,PARTNER,WORK,LIBERTY,SELF RESPECT AND ALL BECAUSE OF A REPORT,LACKING CARE AND UNDERSTANDING FROM FIRST,A BRAIN INJURY UNIT,AND THEN FROM A NEUROLOGIST,WHO WAS WAY OF THE MARK WITH HER FALSE DIAGNOSIS :(
I WONDER HOW MANY PEOPLE HAVE TAKEN THEIR OWN LIVES DUE TO TWO MEDICAL DEPARTMENTS,WHO CARED NOT FOR THIS PATIENT,I AM BUT ONE IN MILLIONS WHO ATTEND HOSPITALS AND DOCTORS,FROM ALL MEDICAL DEPARTMENTS :(
THE MEDICAL PROFESSION IS IN A MESS IN NORTHERN IRELAND,AND AS THE MEDIA SHOWS YOU DAILY PEEPS,NORTHERN IRELAND IS NOT THE ONLY COUNTRY WITH MAJOR PROBLEMS AND LACK OF CARE,IT IS WORLDWIDE :(
THE CLUSTERHEADACHES ARE STILL WITH ME,BUT THE IMIGRAN INJECTIONS ARE LIMITING THE HOURS OF EXTREME PAIN :)
THE TABLETS I AM ON ARE VERAMPAMIL 40MG,WHICH SEEM TO BE CHANGING MY MOODS,PLUS I HAVE TO LIE DOWN AFTER EACH INJECTION :(
THOUGH I DO HAVE IMMEDIATE ACCESS TO A AND E,IF I NEED OXYGEN :) THOUGH IT WOULD BE BETTER FOR MY OWN SUPPLY IN THE HOUSE,WHICH I AM ASKING FOR,BUT THUS FAR WITHOUT SUCCESS :(
AS I STARTED MY NEW TREATMENT FOR CLUSTERHEADAHCES,DOCTORS HAVE NOTICED SOMETHING WRONG WITH MY HEART :( SO AN INCREASE IN TABLETS STRENGTH HAS BEEN HALTED UNTIL TESTS ARE ONE :(
THOUGH HAVING MY BACK OUT FOR THE LAST TWO WEEKS VIA A SNEEZE,IS JUST ANOTHER SIDE EFFECT OF MY MANY INJURIES,WHICH REALLY TAKING THEIR TIME IN HEALING :(
MY NEW TABLETS VERAMPAMIL 40MG ARE NOT LETTING ME SLEEP :( PLUS THEY ARE MAKING ME VERY MOODY :(
I HAVE TRY AND FIND A BETTER HELP WITH CONTROLLING MY CLUSTERHEADACHES,BECAUSE THE TREATMENT IS MAKING ME FEEL JUST AS ILL :( THOUGH WITHOUT THE EXTREME PAIN :(
I DON'T LIKE BEING LIKE A ZOMBIE,WHICH WHAT I FEEL,SINCE BEGINNING NEW TABLETS :(
THEY SAY,"NO PAIN,NO GAIN,WELL I HAVE LITTLE PAIN AT THE MOMENT,BUT DEFO NO GAIN ASWELL :(
TO BE CONTINUED...
SAN DOM DE NANTA VAN SAN NANTESS ESTANTO PEEPS?
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