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CLUSTER HEADACHES/THE BEASTS OF THE MIND :(

FIRST COMES THE KALEIDOSCOPE EFFECT WITHIN THE EYES,
ZIGZAG,ZIGZAG IN THE CORNER OF EACH EYE,
THEN THE NECK CRACKS AND CREAKS AND STIFFENS,
THEN COMES THE SNEEZING,
WORLD RECORDING SNEEZING,
A MYSTERY TO ME,
AND THEN THE DULL LURKING PAIN UPON MY RIGHT BROW,
THE BEGINNING OF THE TRAUMA TO FOLLOW,
YET SOME ARE PHANTOMS,
AND NEVER REACH THEIR GROWTH,
BUT THE WAITING AND EXPECTING IS TRAUMA IN ITSELF,
THOUGH RELIEF WHEN THE FULL FORCE OF ONE IS WITHHELD,
AND I THANK GOD AND THE GODDESS FOR A STAY OF TRAUMA,
THIS TIME AT LEAST,
THE SLEEP CLUSTERS ARE A RUDE AWAKENING,
WITH MUCH CONFUSION WHEN THEY STRIKE,
FROM SLEEP TO EXTREME PAIN IS AN EXPERIENCE OF THE TWILIGHT KIND,
AN EXHAUSTED DAY THEN FOLLOWS,
BUT WORST OF ALL ARE THE DAYLIGHT ONES,
THE BEASTS OF MY MIND,
THESE ARE THE WARRIORS OF THE CLUSTER KINGDOM,
THE RULERS OF MY BROKEN MIND,
THEIR PAIN IS WITHOUT FULL EXPLANATION IN HUMAN WORDS,
THOUGH WOMEN WHO SUFFER FROM THE CLUSTER ATTACK SYNDROME SAY,
"NOT EVEN CHILD BIRTH COMES CLOSE,"
A FULL BLOWN CLUSTER IS EXTREME PAIN,
TRAUMA,
AND WISHING FOR DEATH TO COME QUICKLY,
IT REDUCES THE HOST TO TEARS OF PLEADING FOR HELP FROM ABOVE,
WHILE THOSE AROUND ARE AT A LOSS WHAT TO DO,
AS THEY SUGGEST AND ADVISE IN VEIN,
I REMOVE MYSELF FROM ALL TO SOLITARY PAIN,
BETTER THAN TELLING A FRIEND TO FCUK UP OR FCUK OFF DUE TO THE TRAUMA OF THE MOMENT,
I SEARCH FOR COLD AIR,
MY SOULS WAY OF TRYING TO HELP,
THOUGH VEIN IT IS WITH A RESTLESS FLESH
EVEN THOUGH MY SOUL KNOWS COLD AIR IS A PART HELP,
BUT ONLY A PART,
THEN THE VOMITING STARTS ON TOP OF THE TRAUMA,
DISTRESS AND STRESS,
REMOVING THAT WHICH IS WITHIN,
WHILE ALL THE TIME THE SINUS'S ARE FILLING,AND EMPTYING,
INCREASING THE PAIN WITH EACH SNEEZE,BLOW AND SNIFF,
STANDING WITH HEAD IN HAND AGAINST THE NEAREST WALL,
RUBBING TEMPLE IN HOPE OF RELIEF,
WHILE MY SINUS TRACKS CRACK AND MOVE,
SOME LAST 15 MINS SOME 8 HOURS,
SOME ARE ONE AFTER ANOTHER,
BUT ALL ARE EXTREME PAIN,
AS EXTREME AS IT GETS UPON THIS EARTH,
SLOWLY THE PAIN DECREASES,
THOUGH AFTER 8 HOURS OF ULTIMATE PAIN,
THERE IS LITTLE REST,
AT TIMES THE AFTERMATH IS A TRAUMATIC UNTIL IT IS COMPLETE,
THEN WOW,
THE RELEASE AND RELIEF,
THE CLOSEST I CAN EXPLAIN IT,
AND I DO TO MY FRIENDS WITH AN APOLOGY FIRST IS,
"ITS LIKE HAVING A ORGASM,"
ONLY BY EXPERIENCING A CLUSTER HEADACHES COULD YOU EVER UNDERSTAND THE MEANING OF MY EXPLANATION OF RELIEF WHEN ONE FINALLY DEPARTS,
OTHER PARTS OF CLUSTER HEADACHE EFFECTS,
ENDLESS CRYING,
LOSS OF PARTNER,
FAMILY,
FRIENDS,
JOB,
LIFE.
DAY,
NIGHTS,
ISOLATION,
LACK OF UNDERSTANDING,
SPENDING A FORTUNE ON TOILET PAPER,
SPRAYS,
TABLETS,
HEADACHE STICKS,
ENDLESS RETURNS TO DOCTORS,
NEUROLOGISTS,
QUACKS,
PSYCHOLOGISTS,
AND ENDLESS DRUGS INTAKE.
THIS ONLY EXPLAINS A FRACTION OF THE EFFECTS OF A CLUSTER HEADACHE,
TAKE ALL ABOVE AND MULTIPLY IT BY 100'S,AND THEN SOME.

I HAVE BEEN SUFFERING CLUSTER HEADACHES FOR 8 YEARS NOW, DUE TO TRAUMATIC BRAIN INJURY, OR ACQUIRED BRAIN INJURY AS IT IS CALLED.
THOUGH FOR 4 1/2 YEARS OF THOSE 8, I HAD TO SEARCH OUT THE REASON FOR MY HEADACHES, WITH MY FIRST NEUROLOGIST, BECAUSE I SPOKE TO MY PSYCHOLOGISTS ABOUT SPIRITUAL THINGS, TELLING ME, "YOU HEADACHES ARE ALL IN YOU HEAD."
I TOLD ALL MY DOCTORS THE EXTREME PAIN, DISTRESS, TRAUMA, DEPRESSION, ISOLATION, AND SUICIDAL LIFE  I WAS GOING THROUGH, BUT BECAUSE OF A NEUROLOGIST, WHO IS HUMAN, AND PRONE TO MISTAKES, AS MANY WRONG DIAGNOSIS OF CONDITIONS HAVE SHOWN OVER MANY CENTURIES AND DECADES, BECAUSE OF ONE REPORT, AND JUST ONE MRI, I WAS CONDEMNED TO SUFFER FOR 4 1/2 YEARS OF LOST FAMILY, FRIENDS, WORK, FREEDOM, HOPE, AND ALMOST, AFTER LOST LIFE, AFTER TAKING TO MUCH MEDICATION TO TRY AND EASE THE PAIN, AT LEST :(
I BEGAN TO SEARCH ON-LINE FOR THE REASON OF MY HEADACHES, SENDING PHOTOS TO THE MAYO CLINIC AND ALL NEUROLOGISTS I COULD FIND.
EVENTUALLY, A NEUROLOGIST FROM THE ULSTER CLINIC AND CRAIGAVON HOSPTIAL EMAILED ME, TELLING ME, 'I HAD CLUSTER HEADACHES, AND HE COULD HELP ME;
AND THIS AFTER MOVING GP'S 3 TIMES, PSYCHOLOGISTS AND PSYCHIATRISTS THINKING, BECAUSE OF SPIRITUAL MATTERS I'D REVEALED, THAT I WAS MAD.
SO FOR 4 1/2 YEARS, OF EXTREME PAIN, TRAUMA, DISTRESS, DEPRESSION, SUICIDAL THOUGHTS DUE ALL THE ABOVE, LOSING WORK, FAMILY, FRIENDS, PARTNERS, FREEDOM, HOPE, AND SELF-RESPECT, I WAS TREATED WITH SUMATRIPTAN TABLETS ONLY :(
JUST BEFORE I WAS GOING TO LET THE NEUROLOGIST FROM NORTHERN IRELAND, WHO CONTACTED ME VIA EMAIL SEE ME, I RECEIVED AN APPOINTMENT FROM THE GP I'D LEFT 2 YEARS PREVIOUS, BECAUSE OF LACK OF HELP, DUE TO A WRONG DIAGNOSIS OF, "YOUR HEADACHES ARE ALL IN YOUR HEAD, YOU IMAGINING THEM," AND THE APPOINTMENT WAS FOR THE ROYAL HOSPITAL, NEUROLOGY.
I THANKED THE NEUROLOGIST ON-LINE FOR HIS OFFER OF HELP, AND EXPLAINED I HAD JUST RECEIVED AN APP FOR NEUROLOGY IN THE ROYAL VICTORIA HOSPITAL, THOUGH I THINK HE WAS NOT HAPPY, AFTER OFFERING ME HELP, BUT THE ROYAL HOSPITAL IN BELFAST WAS CLOSER, AND EARLIER THAN CRAIGAVON, AND WITH DOZENS OF HEADACHES PER WEEK, I WAS NOT GOING TO MISS MY APPOINTMENT, REGARDLESS FROM WHICH GP IT CAME FROM, OR THE YEARS THAT HAD PASSED.
I WAS EITHER A SECOND OPINION, AND CORRECT DIAGNOSIS, OR DEATH :(
I HAD STUDIED THIS CONDITION SINCE I FIRST ACQUIRED IT, AND KNEW I WAS SUFFERING FROM CLUSTER HEADACHES, AFTER TALKING TO THOUSANDS ON-LINE, WHO SUFFER FROM CLUSTER HEADACHES, INCLUDING MANY NEUROLOGISTS, PSYCHOLOGISTS, PSYCHIATRISTS AND GP'S.
I SHOWED MY NEW NEUROLOGIST, DR.WATT, FROM THE ROYAL VICTORIA HOSPITAL IN BELFAST, THE PHOTOS OF WHAT HAPPENS DURING AN ATTACK/CLUSTER HEADACHE, AND EXPLAINED IN DETAIL, WHAT HAPPENS, FROM BEGINNING TO END OF EACH HEADACHE, AND WITHIN 20 MINS, DR.WATT SAID, "YOU HAVE CLUSTER HEADACHES.'
I CRIED, BECAUSE FOR THE FIRST TIME, IN 6 YEARS OF SUFFERING TO WORST PAIN, AND CONDITION KNOWN TO DOCTORS AND MEN AND WOMEN, SUDDENLY, A CONSULTANT, DOCTOR, HUMAN BEING WAS LISTENING TO ME, AND KNEW THE CAUSE OF THIS LIFE THREATENING CONDITION CALLED, CLUSTER HEADACHES :)
INSTANTLY, MY MEDICATION INCLUDED, OXYGEN, IMIGRAN INJECTIONS, MAXITRAM, TEMAZEPAM AND SOON ANESTHETIC PAIN RELIEF, AND FAILING THAT, DEEP BRAIN STIMULATION :)
SO FROM NO HELP AT ALL, AND A WRONG DIAGNOSIS, TO EVERY KIND OF HELP THERE IS WITHIN THIS WORLD OF NEUROLOGY.
I STILL SUFFER CLUSTER HEADACHES DAILY, BUT AT LEAST NOW, IN 2016, I AM UNDERSTOOD, AS IS MY CONDITION BY MY DOCTORS, DUE TO AN UNDERSTANDING AND CARING NEUROLOGIST, AND EVENTUALLY NEW GP'S LISTENING TO MY NEW, TRUE EXPERT IN THIS FIELD OF NEUROLOGY :)
I AM STILL NOT ABLE TO WORK, DUE TO CLUSTER HEADACHES, STUTTER, WORD ASSOCIATION AND MEMORY PROBLEMS, THOUGH THE LAST THREE I COULD LIVE WITH, IF MY NEUROLOGIST COULD CEASE MY CLUSTER HEADACHES.
EVEN WHEN OUT FOR A DAY, OR NIGHT, I NEVER GET THROUGH ONE, WITHOUT THE CLUSTERS, WHICH IN TURN HAVE TO BE INJECTED WITH IMIGRAN, WHICH IN TURN MAKES ME SICK, AND WISHING TO RETURN HOME :(
I USE TO ENTERTAIN, WHICH STOPPED 8 YEARS AGO :(
I STILL FUND RAISE FOR CHARITIES, WHICH I HAVE DONE SINCE I WAS 13, AND OVER THE LAST 3 YEARS, WITH THE HELP OF OTHERS HAVE RAISED 4000 ODD POUNDS FOR THE CHILDREN'S HOSPICE NI, JIGSAW NI, AND VARIOUS COMMUNITY NEEDS AND PROJECTS.
THOUGH RECENTLY THAT STOPPED FOR 3 MONTHS, DUE TO THE EXTREME LEVEL AND PAIN OF THE CLUSTERS, RESULTING IN AN ACCIDENTAL OVERDOSE OF PAIN KILLERS, WHICH ONCE MORE BROUGHT SWIFT ACTION FROM MY PSYCHIATRISTS, NEUROLOGIST AND GP'S :)
I AM WRITING A BOOK NOW, WHICH IS ABOUT THE MISSING TRUTH, THAT FEW KNOW ABOUT GOD AND THE GODDESS ALMIGHTY, THE HOLY SPIRIT, WHICH I SHOULD HAVE BEGUN 8 YEARS AGO, WHEN THE CLUSTERS AND OTHER CONDITIONS FIRST CONFINED ME, BUT WITH CLUSTERS AS MY CLOSE COMPANIONS, LITTLE IS DONE BUT SEARCHING FOR RELIEF, SOMETIMES AFTER 14 HOURS, OR MULTIPLE HEADACHES, AND HOURS OF RECOVERING, EVEN DAYS, WITH EACH HEADACHE OR CLUSTER OF THEM :(
I USE TO BE AN EXCELLENT PHOTOGRAPHER AS WELL, BUT EVEN THAT HAS CEASED, DUE TO CONFINEMENT :(
MY ANESTHETIC PAIN RELIEF BEGINS AT THE END OF JUNE 2016, 8 YEARS AFTER AFTER I ACQUIRED THIS LIFE THREATENING CONDITION CALLED CLUSTER HEADACHES :(
BETTER LATE THAN NEVER :)
I WILL WRITE MORE, WHEN THAT TIMES ARRIVES, WITH MR. GERRY BROWN :)
IN THE LAST 3 YEARS, WHEN I BEGAN TO COUNT THE CLUSTERS, DUE TO MY FIRST NEUROLOGIST LACK OF UNDERSTANDING AND CARE, I HAVE SUFFERED 1652 FULL BLOWN CLUSTER HEADACHES, WITH 3 IN THE LAST 24 HOURS :(
I SUFFER AROUND 7-15 PER WEEK, WITH SOMETIMES 2 DAYS BREAK AT TIMES :)
I HAVE NOTICED OVER THE LAST 8 YEARS THAT THE CLUSTERS REACT TO LOW PRESSURE IN THE WEATHER, SOMETIMES ARRIVING WITH EACH SHOWER OF RAIN.
THEY ALSO INTENSIFY IN SUMMER, AND WHEN TEMPERATURES SOAR, THE PAIN IS UNBEARABLE, LEAVING THE HOST TO SEEK SHADE AND COOL AIR, OXYGEN :(
I PRAY AND HOPE, BY JUNES END, RELIEF MIGHT BE FOUND, AND POSSIBLE AN ANSWER FOR OTHERS TO SEEK, IF SUCCESSFUL :)
DO NOT TAKE A FIRST OPINION AND MRI TO BE RIGHT, AND IF NEED BE, ASK FOR MULTIPLE OPINIONS AND MRI'S, IF SATISFACTION OR DIAGNOSIS SEEMS WRONG, AND USE YOU INTERNET/WWW TO SEARCH AND ASK OTHERS FOR THEIR OPINION AND AT TIMES FAR AWAY DIAGNOSIS OF THAT WHICH YOU SUFFER, AND REMEMBER, YOUR DOCTORS, BE THEY GP'S OR CONSULTANTS ARE BUT HUMAN, LIKE YOU AND ME, AND AS SUCH MAKE MISTAKES AND WRONG DIAGNOSIS'S, THOUGH I AM LUCKY, FOR ABOVE GUIDE AND HELP WITH MY PAIN, BUT MANY OTHERS HAVE LONG GIVEN UP, AND TAKEN THEIR OWN LIVES BECAUSE OF DOCTORS PLAYING GOD, LACK OF UNDERSTANDING AND CARE, AND MISDIAGNOSING THEIR FELLOW HUMAN BEINGS :(
HAVING MANY YEARS OF STUDY, COUNTLESS EXAMS AND MANY LETTERS AFTER YOUR NAME MEANS NOTHING IF YOU HAVE NOT GOT THE WISDOM AS YOUR GUIDE :(

TO BE CONTINUED...

SAN DOM DE NANTA VAN SAN NANTESS ESTANTO PEEPS?


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